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I'm done dealing w/my father's alcoholism. I wrote him a letter last week telling him he had until the end of the month to get out. I refuse to continue to live like this in MY OWN home. He is my father but he has NO right to put me and my precious daughter through this. He's been living with me for almost a year now (ever since my mom divorced him for the same reason) and he's spent more time binging than he has sober. I won't lie, when he is sober he's a wonderful man that works hard and helps me around the house, but the negative far outway the positive here.
I remember growing up as a child fearing for me and my family's life when he was drinking, he would make threats and act all crazy. I remember sleeping with a bat under my bed, just in case he wanted to hurt me. Here I am 28 yrs old, going through a divorce myself, raising a 5 yr old daughter pretty much by myself, struggling to make ends meet, and still I find myself not being able to sleep because of him. Last night I stayed up for about 2 hrs listening to him talk loudly to himself about me, he's angry that I kicked him out. Apperantly he thinks I have some kind of sick obligation to put up with him. He said things that no one should have to hear their father say about them.
I know my father is sick but I refuse to allow myself and my daughter to be subjected to his disease anylonger. I have the responsibility of making sure she is happy, stable and safe in our home, she comes before ANYONE. We don't deserve to be waken in the middle of the night by his loud screams, insults, and threats. I'm not that little girl anymore who had no choice but to live w/him, and I won't allow my daughter to be either.
Many are going to judge me for the decision I have made, but I don't care anymore. This is my life, and I want to live in peace. My dad has already made his life choices, and I have the right to mine as well.
I can not do anything for him, but I can do for me and my daughter.
-- Edited by Hopeless in AZ at 13:40, 2008-12-29
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Grant me the strenght to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!
You will get no judgment from me hon . *hugs* I think you have given this a fair try having dad live with you for a yr and no positive changes . For your sake i hope u can do this with out anger , the last thing u need is somthing else to feel guilty about . Perhaps a simple I can't live like this anymore will suffice . He won't be happy be prepared don't fall for the usual excuses = Iwill stop or that your the problem , your not the reason he drinks . period . behave like the lady I know u are , u are a good daughter u tried to help and only u know when enough is enough . good luck take care of you and daughter and u will be fine . Louise
You won't get any judgement from me either. I think you have to do an official 30 day notice and mean to implement it. I don't doubt your father will play "victim". A's are good at that. If you are tired of his using and abusing you there is no reason to go on with it.
I have been in the situation of putting up with other people's bad behavior so many times I have lost count.
I don't count anymore because I no longer go there.
No judgement here. I'm actually rather proud of you for setting boundaries and no longer tolerating what most can't live with. I'm proud of you for selecting sanity and peace and safety in your home for you and your daughter. I'm sorry too he is sick, but indeed that's exactly what it is. Yes, I'm sure deep down he's a good person. Yes, I'm sure you tried to protect him from his own disease. No, no one expects that from you...not then and not now. You may very well be saving his life, either way it's his choice. You are choosing a more healthy life for you two. No judgement, no remorse, no games. I praise your sane choice. His disease will lay on the guilt trip, sob stories, anger rants and rages but bottom line...it's his life or death choice to get help, get better, get safe, get sane.
What works best for me is less talk and more action. You are not obligated to your parent. As far as help, there are others that can fill in. Take care of yourself and your child.
Here's my judgment... smart move! It takes a lot more strength to do what you're doing than it does to bear the burden of his nasty behavior because it is what is "expected" of you. For anyone who has expectations like that of me I say let him come stay with YOU for while then if you're so concerned.
Your daughter deserves the best and it sounds like your priorities are just right!
It takes a lot more strength to do what you're doing than it does to bear the burden of his nasty behavior because it is what is "expected" of you.
Carolinagirl is so correct. I found making decisions, setting boundaries and acting upon them was and is far more difficult than living with all the "nasty behaviors" my AH dished out.
And people's expectations, oh man! I used to allow them to govern my decisions/actions. But no longer. Still, I find sneaky little thoughts of concern about what others must be thinking - they don't sway my decisions, but I have to admit, to some extent it still bothers me what others think of me and that they do not understand. One benefit of experiencing all this is that I judge others a lot less.
Another thing I find that is a constant struggle with is that I don't need to explain my decisions. Have you ever tried to explain and people still don't get it? That's a rhetorical question - of course you have!
keep up the good choices!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I just kicked my husband out so that my 2 babies won't go through what you went through. Thank you for posting. You only concreted my decision. A very hard one at that.
