The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am 6 months into al anon and have been separated from xabf for the same amount of time. An occasional dinner or movie or trip to someplace fun with a member of the opposite sex sounds really good right now. I'm thinking a healthy crush on someone might help me make my transition to the single life. Should I give it more time or should I try dating again? I still have feelings for my ex but I really do not think reconciliation is in the picture. The ex and I broke up because he became involved w/another woman and though he says the relationship is volatile and wishes it was over he can't break up with her, though he's tried about 10 times. Thanks
BTW the I signed up for one of those online services and someone e-mailed me back. The picture he used was of himself in a bar, lol!!
__________________
Curlee
Just for today I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts.
I think it all depends on how comfortable you feel about it. I have recently started seeing someone after my marriage broke up and I found alot of people had alot to say about it. I listened to what everyone had to say and really thought about it. Bottom line.....it came down to how I felt about it and it felt right. I stay close to Al-Anon these days and am very aware of how easy it would be for me to slip back into my old way of doing things. I am taking this new relationship one day at a time and am VERY upfront with this man about that. It helps that he is also in the program so he gets it.
I think you already know what's best for you....trust your instincts.
That question, for me anyways, is a good question for sponsor to sponsee to discuss. The answer requires, again for me, lots of self awareness and honesty.
Where ever I go there I am and who ever I am with gets the good, the bad and the ugly that I am either aware of or not. It was best for me to know who I am and what I take with me. I was told no relationships within the first two years. I didn't follow thru on it and within the first two years and so I had more relationships (sometimes called affairs) than I would like to admit to. It was all real so I stopped, went back and did it over and got to know the real me before I got to know anyone else. Just for me. You will do whatever you are compulsed to do for whatever reasons you give yourself. I got the opportunity to be responsible for how all of them turned out...good, bad and ugly.
Six months isn't a whole lot of time unless your relationship with the alcoholic was that amount of time or less.
Just for me and from what I was taught. Keep coming back.
(((((hugs)))))
PS...Just to let you know there have been lots of others who have come here doing the same thing for the same reasons getting negative results.
Well I've tried dating. Personally I think it really means that you need to have your boundaries hugely up there. I say no a lot. I also walk away a lot. Are you ready for that. Obviously you are cued in if you see a red flag when a guy sends you a picture from a bar.
