The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is my ex abf bday. I spoke to him yesterday on Christmas, not bc we were wishing each other a merry one, but more bc I found out that my sister and my brother's wife are both pregnant and both due one day after the other. I was feeling insanely jealous and resentful that this "easy" life could not be mine. Why did I have to fall in love and lose the man I thought/still think I am meant to be with?
Anyway, we spoke and it was good to hear him. He reminded me what is and what is not in my control, etc. I told him I'd call him today for his bday.
He's away with his family which is great. That means they finally know we aren't together--though I have no idea what he told them. Does that matter, really? Anyway, he sounded very good and was talking about patching things up with his parents/siblings. They haven't been close, and he is trying to rebuild relationships with them. They are probably not aware of the drinking--in fact, unless he told them that is why we are apart, they probably think that we were just having "problems" and left it at that.
I still love him and I still miss him terribly, even though I can get so angry at him. Am I wasting my time by and causing myself harm by being hopeful that some day he will beat this and be able to be in a real relationship with me?
Hope everyone had a nice holiday. If you are like me, you are happy it is over!!
I have wondered if I am wasting my time but I can not answer that for you or for me. I can only try to do things differently day by day and I do see things change........ if not by my A then by how I think or act or react and it is easier to see how I feel about everything one day at a time. If I use each day as best as I can then off in the future I do not think I will be wasting my time. I am growing and maybe as I grow in the program, some day in the future I can decide if I am wasting my time. Today, I am not and that is enough for me today.
I really like the Courage to Change daily reading book and often use the index to read on certain topics like focus on myself or detachment. My A is going to do what he does and it bothers me less if I focus on what I can do today to work on recovery which only can benefit me, my A, my kids and my life. Keep reading, attending meetings and keep coming back here to MIP too.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I don't think it's a waste of time to hope that anyone finds recovery. But to dwell on what might be constantly can be. You have to live in the moment and try and enjoy it. As hard as it has been for me, Tim wouldn't want me to dwell on what might have been. He's in a better place and always with me. I have to find a way to go on with my life. I miss him every day. He was my heart and soul and best friend. But I do his memory no justice, if I don't go on with my life. Life on life's terms, is what he always reminded me.
It's okay to mourn the relationship. It's how we heal. But you can't let it paralyze you. Live your life for you. That's all any one of can do. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am with Karrilynn on this one , there is always hope , but do't forget to live your own life , if he ever finds sobriety it will be his miracle . Your s is finding yourself again , get happy regardless of what he is doing and you never know , for me recovery is a win win situation with or with out him I am much happier with me . I don't know if u are attending f2f meetings but i encourage u to do so , do it for you . you will find the support u need and people who understand and will share thier own experiences with you . take what u like and leave the rest . good luck Louise
Keep coming back and for now sitting at the knees of the ladies who have become strong old timers. There is lots to learn and with the learning you become even more hopeful.
