(((((helpme))))

I understand. My AHsober came for Christmas. He mouthed off about me as a mother. Wanted to talk about a divorce on Christmas morn. All inappropriate. So they tell us that we can control or change another person. And it truly is the disease talking. We can set better boundaries. In Alanon they tell us that we have choices. YOUR opinion about your family is the only thing that matters.

In support,
Nancy

I was also with an A for many years, and we still have contact and somewhat of a hanging relationship.. However, as the readings for alanon say.. we can still find comfort within us whether the alcoholic is still drinking

(thinking) or not ..  

What helps me sometimes personally is to recognize this is a thinking dis ease more so than a drinking disease .. It's hard to detach with love especially because when we are with them we sometimes become detached in ourselves instead ..

I can personally share my own esh which maybe you'll be able to relate to ?

When i was growing up, I was raised in a very dominating family with me being the youngest of 6 and the oldest 14 years older than me .. With this being the case, I was pretty much the baby of the family my entire life Until i found alanon ..

At the same time, although my family loved me, they used criticism and sarcastic humor as weapons. My brothers and my 2 second oldest sisters were genuinely funny so if i were to stand up for myself, they would always use some sort of hysterical yet very harmful to me comment ..

When they were mad, they would point out all of my defects by basically shaming me as in telling me what was wrong with Me .. What i began to realise is that when they would do this to me i would run toward survival and coping skills which were very unhealthy ..

Basically to survive the blows, I would look to shame others .. In doing this, I could live in Denial and tell myself I'm ok .. I learned to shame ..

It sounds like your A has learned something of the same .. We'll never unlearn what we've learned .. we will Always remember, but in alanon, we can relearn a better way ..

We also teach people how to treat us and in coming here and joining others in fellowship and meetings, we learn how to treat ourselves better ourselves ..