The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This past year has been really hard on me. I am learning a lot of things about myself that I have really known all along but didn't want to face. I am learning to stand up for myself because no one else can. That's my job. I am learning that I don't have to settle for someone who abuses me just to feel whole, I am whole on my own. I am a person worth knowing and I am worth treating with respect. My abuser damaged me in ways that I may never recover from but through this experience I have leanrned that he was only able to do the thing he did to me because I let him. So I am going to remember all of the evil things he did - and I vow that I will never let anyone do things like that to me again. I am in control. I wish that I could tell him about my transformation, about how he is no longer controlling me - but with that being impossible - I will shout it from the rooftops... well at least online...lol
A Note to You: you know who you are!
You threw us away just like garbage, We arent trash You love alchohol, you never loved me, You made me cry almost every day You wont mistreat me ever again, I will be happier alone than I was with you I can do so much better than you, I no longer have to live in fear of you Someone will appreciate me, Someone will love me, Someone will hug me And treat me kindly, Perfect strangers treat me better than you did Someone else will say kind words and mean them, And hold me tight You tried to take God away from me, I didnt deserve to be treated like that And My infant daughter is not a bitch or a brat, And neither am I You cant hurt us anymore, You are the LOSER You cant see us anymore, You cant cuss at us anymore We are gone, and thats forever, You cant threaten horrific things So get out of my head, You cant scare me, I am in control I am safe, You cant wave a gun at me You cant threaten to kill me, You cant threaten to hurt those I love You cant keep me from my mom, WHY did you do these things? I took control the day I left, I will never be your wife, How can you live with yourself? Dont you know what you threw away? - I LOVED YOU I was there for you, I supported you, I gave you everything I had And sacrificed things I shouldnt have, I hope you realize what youve done, that you have lost, and we have won, even though it doesnt change anything Im gone and thats the end of you and me, You had no right coming into my life You were wrong for me, I did everything right I will make a wonderful wife for someone who deserves me Im too good for you, Things will be better than ever for me I wonder if you will be haunted by what you had? You suck, and I hate what youve done to my life You never loved me, I was tricked, You broke my heart Why did I let you?
__________________
M e l i n d a "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing well." -Euphonia and the Flood
Anger is not bad. It's got a lot of power and motivation in it. I didn't like feeling all the anger because it felt like it would tear my insides out and when I brought It to Al-Anon and got involved in the program I was taught to use it to change myself...the things I needed to change. I also remember writing a story like yours when I first got here. I remember that taking it to some of my meetings and being humble let others into my program of recovery.
I have no deeper gratitude than for my HP leading me here and putting the people who also loved unconditionally in my path. Just one of the results is freedom from the gut tearning rage and anger and peace of mind and soul.
Keep coming back. Find the face to face meetings in your area with all of the people and tools that they have to save lives and go as quickly as you can. Take your anger story with you. After a while you won't need it.
I wrote a couple of letters like that too when my marriage ended. They were so theraputic for me. I poured out all the hurt and anger too. Every time I poured it out like that, some of it would seep back into me, like water stuck to the inside of the glass.
But with time, and continuing to "pour it out" less and less was in there.
And al-anon is a perfect, safe place to pour all that stuff out!
)))))))))))),