The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm already feeling stressed and "out of alignment" due to the long lines, the horrible traffic and the never-ending preparations! (I have GOT to let go of the perfectionism!) Later, my exAH will join my 2 adult kids and I for Christmas Eve. My kids had asked me to include him and I agreed since our divorce has been reasonably amicable. Since they all know my boundaries about alcohol, that won't be a problem, but of course... the "-isms" will show up for dinner too.
I know that this is where the rubber meets the road as far as my program is concerned!!! Now is the time to put all my tools into practice. I am focusing on detachment this morning... I'm going to try to remember they can all "hook" me in an instant, and get me to react if I'm not careful.
I've done some reading this morning, and I've prayed and meditated. I have my candles prepared for the party as visual reminders that my HP will also be present.
I just came here for some "detachment fuel" to get me through the holidays. So often, my HP speaks to me through this fellowship. Thanks for being here with me!
-- Edited by glad lee at 09:38, 2008-12-24
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
glad, I love what you said about the candles. This is what they are for me, too. I love candles. In the cold winter months, especially, they remind me of the unconditional accepting warmth of HP.
You won't do it perfectly but you will be able to see what is going on, get off track and then get back on track- and this is essentially what we all do no matter how much experience we have in this program. Its so easy to get off track but that is OK and its totally expected- the important thing is to get back on track and we usually do, eventually! I mean, I used to be off track for months and years and now its more like months and weeks, sometimes days. But getting off track is a hallmark of our recovery just like relapse is a hallmark of being in recovery for alcoholism. Its not a matter of if it will happen or not, its one of when.
We are a terribly imperfect lot but in that imperfection we ARE perfect, you know?! We are incredible!!!!
You will be in my thoughts and standing by my side as I go through my thing, too. I will be with you. We are all standing together, holding hands here. Its so great! Hugs and much love, J.
In the Alanon book it says that we have choices. Even if they are small like leaving the room. If my Ahsober says now, I say in 5 minutes. If he says I coming tonight, I say why not tomorrow. He says wait, wait, I say NOW.
I'll be interested to see how your holidays went after all.
I know when I project into the future, often the outcome is not what I would have envisioned. Good ole FEAR = Future Events Aren't Real is a tool I often use.
in recovery, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you all for being with me!! I am so blessed and grateful to be in this wonderful company, which gives me strength.
The party went very well. However, I was shocked when my daughter came strolling in with 2 bottles of champagne!!! She set it on the counter and said, "I picked up some champagne for tonight." ( My exAH was nearby, preparing the shrimp cocktail, so, I felt extremely uncomfortable in the spotlight!)
I looked at my daughter and simply said, "We will not be having champagne tonight." Then, I turned and busied myself with something. I admit, I was shaking from the shock. But that was the end of it.
Later, when I told my sponsor, she shrieked with joy that I handled it so well, pointing out how I re-stated my boundaries very simply. I did not make it bigger by shaming her, or whatever. I didn't say, "You know how I feel about this .... or, How could you? etc. etc.)
The evening progressed just wonderfully. We had our 6-course dinner, we opened gifts and we played games together. The next morning, my exAH phoned to say he had a wonderful time and he thanked me for inviting him. My kids woke up and said it was the best Christmas they could remember in years. Alcohol-free, imagine that.
I am feeling immense gratitude. Another miracle!
-- Edited by glad lee at 12:50, 2008-12-28
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
