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Hi All I just do not get it. We ( the kids and myself) ask are A over to open presant tonight. I get this thrid degree on how he dose not know where he is going to be and that I have not been asking question about how he is doing and where he is going to live and that I kicked him out and it is all back to it is my fault that he dose not know of he can come over to see his children open the gifts that he got them. I just do not get it. I told him that I was not going to ask question and that if he wanted me to know the things that was going on in his live that he would have to tell me. I do not feel it is my fault that he has not been telling me those thing I think that it is his fault. But how or when will he get it? I do love himand would like to have alive with him but I refuse to live the way we have of the past 21 years. I know that he is a better person then the one he has turn into, I know that he can treat me better and our 15 year old girl.
I just do not get it of I ask question then I an trying to run his live and when I do not ask question I an uncareing and do not want him in my live. How can it be both ways? I want him in my live I am just tryed of the fight that gose with the question and answer game. help of you all can.
Teresa, there is no way to get it "right" with an A. We are dammed if we do and we are dammed if we do not. This is why we keep the focus on ourselves. If you are trying to work with him on anything at all, prepare yourself for this double standard. It is common. It is prevalent. Its their black and white thinking. Its them not being able to step back. Its all about their disease. This is the disease. Please do what you can to keep the focus on yourself. Make your plans. Make your plan B's. Move about as if he does not exist. You can calmly and gently let him know what you are doing with the kids and if he chooses to show up or not, its his gig. if he rails on you, that is about him, not you. He is not going to behave like a reasonable person. You are not dealing with a reasonable person. You are dealing with a horrible, manipulative progressive disease. Hugs, J.
Thank you both I am trying to keep the focuse on myself and the kids. We(kids and myself ) have plan to open his presant at 600 pm of he is here or not. It just up set me that I have been going on in live and trying real hard not to let him up set me. I have been leting him know nicely about our plans and no I am not working on anything with him but not stop hopeing that maybe some day he will understand this D and cone to his understanding that we WAY have a live.
Great awareness SC. It's impossible to have it both ways unless you have an enabler who is not willing to quit. You have quit so stay done. Sounds like he is on one major pity potty. If I was using my old sarcastic personality I would look for for opportunities to say, "Awwww poor baby"; However I learned here that this would indicate a relapse on my part and I'm not willing to do that. Continue to leave his responsibilities to him and take care of your own. You're doing great!!.
