The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes, it is Christmas, and I am calm. I had less time to prepare and less money to spend, but I am getting through it and didn't use all my time wishing it away like I have in years past. This is not to say I have been full of joyful anticipation, but rather I have just accepted the holidays will come and go, and I will live through it.
I am trying to look at the bright side. We will be having our Christmas tomorrow and spending the night at my parents' house. For the first time ever, I won't be coming home late on Christmas Eve and getting stockings filled, gifts set out and organized. Another plus, is I won't be left with a messy house on Christmas Day.
As if that isn't a miracle in itself, I have another.... my Ah (ex soon I hope) wanted to go in on gifts for the kids. I ignored his first request and actually had a minor anxiety attack trying to decide how to deal with it as well as how to approach splitting the holiday. Then came a second request which included getting our youngest a battery-operated car (the kind you drive) - something he would love. Well, I took a big breath and just decided to tell my ah what I wanted. I told him I wanted the kids Christmas Eve and that whole night, and he could have them Christmas Day and night. I then told him separate lives equals separate celebrations, and that I couldn't afford to go in on such an expensive gift. I don't know why, but I then I decided just to look on Craigslist, and I found one (a mini truck just like AH drives) posted the same day for $60. I called and was told someone was picking it up in the morning. Oh well, I tried. Then, I got a call 2 days later and was told by the owner that I could have the truck. She said she felt connected to me and wanted me to have it, and was telling everyone who called it was sold. Oh, and that it was in great shape and I could have the truck for $20 since it needed a new battery. $20! So, I gave AH the name and address and let him take it from there. So far he has run all over looking for a battery without success, but that is not my problem. Here is the thing.... the truck will be from him, but in my heart I know it is from me too. That is enough. I still don't respect my ah and am disturbed about what he has done to us, but I was able to separate myself enough to get my little guy a cool gift and do AH a favor too. He was appreciative, but that is not why I did it. I just wanted to do something nice. That was it, and I feel good about the outcome.
I wish you all some peace this holiday season.
Blessings, Lou
-- Edited by Loupiness at 10:40, 2008-12-24
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
What a gift. Proof that in the program we intuitively start to do things that used to baffle us. I do not know how I manage to live with people who are addicts and dysfunctional and have no desire to get better. I do. I set up a lot of boundaries. YOu have them. Thank you for showing me the program in action.
