The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just a quick post to say how grateful I am about this program. I know I have said similar things before, but today I feel even more grateful.
The thing is, and this surprises me, I feel some sense of serenity, whether my AH continues drinking or not. How the heck did that happen?
I know some of you may be laughing at me, knowing already what I have just discovered, but I guess it's true, "it works if you work it".
So what brought on this realization for me? Well, I'm sure you can guess it was yet another crisis/consequence from the affects of alcohol in my life. My AH decided to sober up for the holidays yesterday. I guess wanting some semblance of what we used to share together over this precious time. He did the same thing for Thanksgiving, with no major issues. But last night his withdrawal got so bad he started hallucinating and had another seizure. We spent the night at the ER, and he has been admitted to stabalize him. It's not clear he'll be home for Christmas.
A year or two ago, maybe even 6 months ago, this would have been enough for me to jump on my "drama queen" program. Call the whole family, cry a lot, despair about the future etc. But this time, I was fairly calm. Of course I reacted with urgency and fear during the actual seizure - they're scary things! But, in the day following, I have really learned to place this in my HP hands - without even trying. I'm not obsessing about whether he will or will not get help, or what I should or should not do to make that happen. I'm just focused on being a supportive wife and mother. Liberating!
I guess deep down, I might have doubted that such a thing was possible. And now I have proof in my own behavior. Thank you HP for gently guiding me through this. Thank you MIP family for helping me get "let go and let god". I'm not perfect at this, and I realise I can relapse any time, depending on the circumstances, but I'm grateful for how I handled it today.
Aloha Rocky..."It" comes to those who for for "it". You have worked for "It" (the peace of mind and serenity) that is similar to the goal of sobriety the alcoholic strives for. Enjoy the gift and hold on to it. Merry Christmas (((((hugs)))))
Rocky, I honestly can't think of a better Christmas present! As my sponsor has said many times..."congrats and ride that pink cloud till you slip off".
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Thanks for the inspiration, Rocky. I've been in Alanon two years now but have not reached your state of mind yet - I have brief moments of what you describe but then they slip away. Your post and story give me the hope to keep plugging away at this program, maybe I'll get to where you are now, where I'm serene most of the time with only occassional slips, instead of the other way around.
