The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Healthy holiday wishes to all of you. I hope that you have some peace in the upcoming weeks.
I haven't posted in about a month. My ExABF's birthday is the 26. Tomorrow is the birthday of my fiance who died 7 years ago--he should be turning 38. On top of that, it's Christmas week. So, basically, the only day this week I have any chance of not feeling like is on Tuesday! I know that is dramatic sounding, but I'm in a bad place now, and feel this is my safest place to vent!
I want to be rid of my anger and resentment toward the EX A, but it's VERY hard. He has, after all, left me with a mortgage over 3000 a month, a house to take care of, bills to pay, and a broken heart. WHY shouldn't I be angry?
He is gone from my life and makes no attempt to be part of it--he's completely fallen off the face of the Earth. His name is still on the house and he doesn't pay a dime. NOTHING. Why should I not call and tell him he owes me money???? He HAS it. Why am I left to deal with ALL of this that he was supposed to be part of????
This time last year, I was excited about giving him his Christmas gift...something he will never do again and never would have done without me. We took a trip and had a wonderful time. How could that have been a year ago already? It was not without drama, of course, I mean, the days before it were full of drama, but the trip was good. That actually told me two days we were supposed to leave that he didn't think we should go. It broke my heart. We did go, but still....how heartless can one guy be?
I am angry beyond words, and I am trying to practice "The Secret" if anyone has seen/read that... preaches the law of attraction and that what you think is what you get. So if I think of my anger/resentment, I will just attract more of it in my life.
Anyway, I'm angry. I am "celebrating" the first love of my life's birthday tomorrow without him bc he was taken away by miserable people on 9/11. Then I have the second love of my life's birthday on Friday, who was taken away by a miserable disease and inability to heal. Of course I'm angry...and don't I deserve to be????
Yes we can be angry but where does it leave us? In the Big Book they talk about reseentments. We need to swing the focus back on ourselves. Hard to do. My AHsober left over 3 years ago. Our 35th wedding anniversary is Christmas Eve. I am celebrating becuase my marriage means something to me.
Heck YEAH Hopeful!!! Shoot, I was mad just reading your post!!! I do have some ongoing resentments I am working on myself....
First of all, If your ex's name is on the house and/or the morgage, you have total recourse to get your money thru the court system. Call a lawyer and get the ball rolling. There is no reason he should not honor his obligations....disease or no.
You don't have to deal with any of it. You have choices. What you do from here on out is totally up to you. You could even choose to walk away from it all and never look back. Now, most of us alanons don't chose that option because we feel responsible, we have ethics and morals and no disease to draw our attention. Unless we have an A in our lives. Then, it seems that our attention can be drawn away quite easily.
You have every right and reason to be mad. You can do with that anger anything you want to do. You can sit with it forever if that is what you choose to do. It is all up to you now.
I don't know any words of support since I'm new here and still trying to figure things out myself. But I just want to say, in my opinion. . . .you always have a right to be angry.
I've been made to feel like the "bad guy" because of my anger and I just don't think it's right. We're all entitled to our feelings.
Of course you deserve to have your feelings and express them. You can always do that here. I know that anger, that resentment. He was the one with the problem. How did I get sick, too? How did this happen to me? I hated this disease. I hated what it did to me, to him, to our children, to our life. It tore our lives apart and it looked hopeless at times.
What you don't deserve is to be eaten up by resentment and unable to move forward. You have been affected by this disease, too. You deserve healing and serenity. You deserve to have joy and happiness in your life.
I have found answers in Al-Anon face2face meetings and here at MIP. This program has taught me to put my life back together. Please keep coming back here where you can learn to get the focus back on you and find some serenity.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Well personally I think I feel most angry at myself for having put with the ex A I was with for 7 years. Nowadays I look at that I would be in so much worse shape being with him. He chose not to be sober. I chose recovery. I try to funnel all my anger into getting better. I know that is very hard. I know what it is to stew. I also know I'm in a real dangerous place when I'm in self pity personally. That's my ESH.
Aloha Hopeful...Not a good place to be and I also don't like being there myself. Just a suggestion? Get to a face to face meeting of Al-Anon on those two days and celebrate them with us. Yeah sounds weird but you will never know how that can come out until you do it. Calll the Al-Anon hotline number and find the meetings places and times and go.
is on Tuesday! I know that is dramatic sounding, but I'm in a bad place now, and feel this is my safest place to vent!
