The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, I am new to alanon, but unfortunately not new to alcoholism. I have been with my AB for 6 years, I for some reason didn't think that that I needed to do anything for myself. I figured it was his problem.
He is in a 30 day treatment center, I committed him through the courts, his drinking was once again out of control. So I should be happy that he is in a recovery program, but I find myself getting angrier & angrier. I hate that once again his drinking is distrupting our lives. I'm also pissed because he seems so happy in the treatment center, and I am sitting at home alone trying to keep it together in my thoughts. He has people non stop to talk about all of his issues and I have no one.
I have doubts that this will work, he has done the recovery stint numerous times, (this is the first 30 day in 10 years), he typically checks in to the hospital to detox comes out stays sober 2-4 wks and starts up again.
I need to start healing myself and stop allowing his actions to take precendent over my feelings, I'm just not sure how.
Thanks for listening, I may post later just to get the feelings out
You are on the right track. Come back and post as often as you need. We are always here for you. May I also recomend that you find a face2face meeting in your area if you can. They are an amazing resource. You will find people who really understand what you are going through.
Al-Anon has lots of good literature. Read as much as you can. Your life can get better. This program can show you how.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I am very new to Al Anon too. I haven't started working the steps, just been going to meetings.
I wasn't sure what to expect in the meetings myself. What I found there was a lot of exceptance, with nothing expected from me. I have found comfort in just listening and not talking. Hearing stories very similar to mine.
You are not alone, glad you joined the board. Denise
Of course you are nervous. Change is uncomfortable. The meetings for me have been wonderful. You don't have to share if you don't want to. Just sit and listen with an open mind and heart. Try one meeting a couple of times and if it doesn't work for you then try a different one. Each meeting is a little different, so you have options.
My first meeting I was nervous too. There was only one other lady there, but she was just what I needed. I finally found someone who would hear me and not judge. She knew my pain and acknowledged it. It was such a relief as I had become so isolated through my AH's lies and my own not so good behavior.
I had tried to tell my Mom and a couple of close friends how I felt and what I was going through, but they didn't hear me. My Mom acted like I was the bad guy and my closest friend kept telling me "but jen, he LOVES you." She thought he was so nice and outgoing and loving because he put on a great act whenever he was around other people. What he really did, and I contributed without knowing it, was to manipulate all my close relationships to pull away from me or take his side because he was so "nice". There are times when I still feel wounded by the way they thought and treated me, but now I know that they just didn't understand the rules of the game he was playing.
When I joined Al-Anon I found people who wouldn't be taken in by his "sweet" behavior. They knew the score and they knew how much I hurt. Now I am grateful to be able to show that kind of understanding to others seeking to heal from the effects of this insidious disease.
When you are ready, find a group. You may want to call a contact number or two and talk on the phone to someone first. Everyone is different. Don't ever feel that you are an imposition on someone when you reach out for help. The most wonderful thing in the my recovery has been answering a newcomers call and introducing them to Al-Anon, then seeing them grow and find serenity in our program.
Again, Welcome to MIP.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I also enjoy going to meetings because it's the one place I don't feel judged for considering taking him back--despite his relapse. I know that all the people in those rooms have gone through similar ups and downs. They're not looking to cast the first stone at me.
Welcome to MIP! You have alot of people who will listen here and at Face to Face meetings. You are not alone. Many of us have faced what you are facing. Keep posting. Go to a meeting. Read the literature. And keep coming back.
