The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm 3 weeks plus into program. I have read "how al anon works.." I am reading "Paths to recovery". I also have the book One day at a time, and just got the "Courage to change" book. I read & reread. I also go to meetings in face, and online. I am attempting Step 4/5, but don't have a sponser online or in face. I don't feel ready to pick one yet. I want a little more time. Although I wish to go ahead with step 4/5 but don't know who to speak to, (not having a sponser). I also wish to pick someone who's knowledgeable of the steps. Any suggestions.
In your post you mentioned you were reading Paths to Recovery. This is the book I use with my sponsees. We begin with Step One and go over the questions at the end of the Step in that book.
When I first started Alanon I thought to myself, okay, steps one thru three, no problem, I just gotta admit to myself "I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him". A good year into the program there was a discussion about "working" the steps with your sponsor. I asked, but how do you do that with the first steps? This is when I found out that there is so much more to those steps than just what I had thought. I began looking at the questions in Paths to Recovery. I had moved and did not have a current sponsor, so I found an online sponsor and started my step work with her. I found I was nowhere ready for steps 4 and 5 as I began this step work with my sponsor. We started at Step One. Answering these questions in the first three steps helps me to see how I am thinking. It gives me a platform to work with when I begin step 4. Another thing about working the first 3 steps with your sponsor, it gives both of you time to get to know one another, to feel comfortable with one another, to build up the trust you want to have in doing steps 4 and 5 together.
I see myself in you, in that when I was thinking I was ready for step 4, that is when I began actively looking for another sponsor and also heard the discussion about stepwork above that I mentioned. I personally felt that I needed to begin with Step One with my sponsor. I know there are others who begin with other steps. Individual choice. Although if you haven't worked them yourself with a sponsor, how will you then work them with a sponsee? Just my thoughts.
There's no rush to work through the steps. Alanon is a lifelong program. We never graduate. We all learn at different paces. The way I picked both of my sponsors - I listened to shares, I listened for someone who exhibited a good knowledge of the program, who sounded like they had found serenity, someone who was very active in the program, someone who I could relate to. Again, it is just my personal belief that working all the steps is best with a sponsor, so the only suggestion I'd have is to keep watching and listening until HP shows you who that sponsor is for you. Best wishes to you!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I have the book Paths to Recovery that kis was talking about. Someone came into the room recently and were upset over doing step 4 by themselves. They hadn't used this book and were only putting negative inventory down. I looked in the book on that step and it told to also put positive assets too. That showed me how important it is to have this book to use when working the steps. I have a psychologist that I have seen for over 10 years now and I have been doing step 4 without even realizing it with her. I can continue to do it with her too if I wish. For me it will be easier since she knows me and my life so well. After reading kismets reply , I do see how important it is to have a sponsor to work with. I, myself, may still try to do the steps for now without a sponsor since I have such big trust issues.
Watching you work this program is so inspirational to me babs. You are motivating me to work on the steps too just from reading your posts. Thank you for that. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)
What I have done with step 4 and 5 is, bought a blueprint for progress, the old one and the new one ---and just penciled it in and dated my responses. I have gone back and re-entered things and dated them 3 times. I have not yet done the complete step 4 with someone. I have seen my progress over a year or more in my program, perceptions of myself, areas to self-improve. (I call this my gentle step 4)
An inventory is to take in our positive traits as well as the weeds that pop up. BOTH! I always have told people not to be afraid to do a 4th step inventory like this to start with (my A would proceed to tell me what was wrong w/me, and I would say, uh huh, uh huh, and I am working on that each and every day : ) ROFL)
Sharing a step 4 with someone else is scary and I am still scared to do it, but I know I will not be as bad as what I "think" I am, if I let someone else get to know me. That is my defect of stubbornness or will--not letting someone else get to know me. Do not know if it's growing up on a farm where self-sufficiency was the rule. I was alone, isolated and left on my own for a lot of things. A lot of us were--do not ask for help was the message, be self-sufficient.
