The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my very first time here. I feel that I need help and I hope to feel a little better after writing this. When my AH drinks, he usually decides to pick a fight (verbal) with me. I usually end up yelling at him back and it goes on and on. We say mean and hurtful things to each other. I don't know what to do when he does this. I don't want to fight and try walking away, but it never works. The next day, he never remembers any of it (ugh!). We have a 6 year old that has seen and heard his share of arguments between us. I am at work right now and I am going crazy wondering if AH is at home drinking. There is no alcohol at home, but it doesn't mean he didn't hop in his car and get something. I hate feeling like this. When we fight, he calls me every name in the book and for a long time, I was beginning to think that I am what he calls me. I've read other boards that indicated that I should just worry about me and not what he is doing, but I don't know how to do that. In fairness, he has started going to AA meetings this week. He has been to 3 and going to 2 more this weekend. Does anyone have any advise on how I can start to take care of me emotionally?
Of course you don't know how to focus on yourself yet, you're just getting started. You've already made an important step, even though it may not seem like it, by reaching out for help on this board.
My suggestion would be to check out al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.htm for the link to your state's or country's website, and see if you can find any alanon meetings near you. They will have a free newcomer packet, with good pamphlets to read, and books like our daily readers you can buy.
Whether you find an f2f (face to face) meeting or not, check out online meetings - there are two right here every day, and you can check out ola-is.org for other online options.
The situation as you describe it sounds very typical and I promise you you are not alone. Do please keep coming back - it really works when you work it.
You'll notice under your name on your post the word "Newbie" and that means that you don't know anything about this disease called alcoholism. Great thing though is that you came to the fountain of help. At one time or another every person here was a newbie so not sweat and no need to feel out of place or ashamed or guilty or any of the other negative feelings you might be feeling as a result of this.
Members will give you their Experience Strength and Hope along with suggestions based upon their ESH. We try not ever to give advise. We were not and still are not so smart when it comes to alcoholism.
My suggestion? Find the hotline number or the directions to the face to face meetings in your area (we are around the world) and the meeting times and then go to as many as you can in the next 90 days. After that period of time you will be better able to make better decisions for yourself. Your alcoholic is making his own and that's his responsibility.
From my experience attending meetings. I found that I also "hated the fights and name calling" and didn't want to do it. So I gave learned to give myself permission not to do it and stopped. I learned to say calmly, "I'm not going to participate" and walk away to do something else more peacefully for my heart, mind and soul. That is one of the things that worked for me.
(helpme08) I am glad you found MIP and this caring group. That is one thing you can be grateful for, the second thing and also very important is that your AH realized he has a problem and reached out for help and found a program for himself (AA). One day soon you will realize that.
Do not worry about being crazy. We have all been crazy. It is the norm. No fun but a necessary evil. You can slowly overcome the craziness by attending f2f Al-Anon meetings. I am proof of that.
MY AW told me several weeks ago that members of her AA group were talking and said that Al-Anon members were crazier that they were. I looked at her, smiled and said "No wonder we are crazy,ya'll drove us that way". LOL
I just read in you 2nd post that you are planing to start attending f2f al-Anon meeting. That is the best possible thing you can do for yourself, bar none. There you will find another family who will love and understand you as no one else can. They have lived and walked in your shoes. The program will teach you how to live with an A in you life. You will be able to find serenity in your life whether the alocholic is still drinking or not. Do it for yourself, you deserve it.
Keep coming back and posting, tell us about your first f2f meeting experience, your recovery has begun.
Find Al-Anon meetings for yourself quick - your worth effort . and your right your son dosen't need to hear anymore . You have aright to recover too and no one can do it for you. good luck Louise
I'm new here too and your situration with your AH sounds so familier and I gave him an ultimatetim because I was tired of the fighting tired of him yelling at the kids I told him if he was going to drink do not come home and he told me to give him a break and that was the last straw I told my DS's 8 and 6 counslor that my AH is drinking again and I need help because he's not getting the help he went to one AA meeting since he's been back because he knew that I wanted him to go and you can't force them because it's not them wanting it. so she gave me a list and I googled Alanon online support.
