The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my very first time here. I feel that I need help and I hope to feel a little better after writing this. When my AH drinks, he usually decides to pick a fight (verbal) with me. I usually end up yelling at him back and it goes on and on. We say mean and hurtful things to each other. I don't know what to do when he does this. I don't want to fight and try walking away, but it never works. The next day, he never remembers any of it (ugh!). We have a 6 year old that has seen and heard his share of arguments between us. I am at work right now and I am going crazy wondering if AH is at home drinking. There is no alcohol at home, but it doesn't mean he didn't hop in his car and get something. I hate feeling like this. When we fight, he calls me every name in the book and for a long time, I was beginning to think that I am what he calls me. I've read other boards that indicated that I should just worry about me and not what he is doing, but I don't know how to do that. In fairness, he has started going to AA meetings this week. He has been to 3 and going to 2 more this weekend. Does anyone have any advise on how I can start to take care of me emotionally?
My suggestion would be for you to find an Alanon meeting, begin healing and gathering the tools you need to lift yourself up.
Know that his words are the alcohol talking. You arguing with a drunk person that doesn't remember any of it. It only upsets you. It's hard not to defend yourself but ultimately it's very destructive to you and your child. You mentioned you've tried to walk away...what if you refused to participate? It may not work the first time or even the second, but eventually he will understand you refuse to be sucked in to the insanity.
Again, welcome and keep coming back
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thank you to the few people that have responded. I WILL find an Alanon meeting and attend. I need to take care of me and not worry (obsess) so much about AH. I will drive myself crazy (I'm almost there). Thank you!
You're in the right place being here. i've been here for 4 years. If you possibly can look at the top of the screen, there is a an offer there from Canadian guy for a book, Getting them sober, write to him and ask him for it. That books is a great great help.
you can adapt this program and your life will get better. Note that I am saying your life, not the A's life. Whether he drinks or not will not be such an issue for you. I can certainly get into a fight with the best of them. There are some times I can let it wash over me other times when I take every single thing personally. The more I can practice detaching the better. There are ways to look at learning about detachment at www.coping.og.
