The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After the past month I can't believe I can even right that I am doing ok with doing nothing and being still....It amazes me.......Now mind ya it's not for very long periods of time and I have to be driving my sponsor crazy at this point, but I can actually FEEL myself being ok. My need to knows still get the better of me and then I think about the possible answers or outcomes and it is easier to let them go, knowing it is in HP's time that things will happen. Still miss and love my EABF, and we are talking/emailing some, though I am not certain how long I am going to allow that to continue before I set a boundary about it. He is his own person, and I am mine, and if I let all the things he does (like calling me Sunday night just to let me know that he had some very positive thoughts about me at work that day, and then not much contact since)drive me crazy, then it is ME letting it happen. When I start to find myself obsessing I hurridly open the tool box before I get to far inside my head that I can't come back:)........so far so good. I am sure there will be more tough days with the holidays approaching, I feel good today and grateful even though he hasn't bothered to contact me in the past 36 hrs(last week that would have sent me over the edge with a deep need to contact him and once again profess my undying love and devotion-lol.......no lie).......baby steps I guess........that and realizing more and more that I don't want someone in my life that doesn't want to be there 100%, if he is seeing someone else there is nothing i can do about it, if he can't get past my mistakes in our relationship then he is NOT the person I thought he was, nor is he working his program, there is also the trust issue on my part (he broke mine big time and I pray to get past it). So I guess I am kinda evening out a bit, and bound and determined to make myself healthy with or without him..... Thanks for letting me share trying to kiss...... Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
"....and bound and determined to make myself healthy with or without him....."
Amen...
You know, when my back in the day wife professed she was in love with someone else... I made the whole thing a reflection on me. With a little encouragment from her of course... couldn't be her fault after all, right? *grin*
But I bought into it... felt I was broken or unworthy if I couldn't get her back. The truth is, it had nothing to do with me.
I look at things a bit different today. I believe it is my job to take care of me, and its not shirking my responsability to expect the loved ones in my life to take care of themselves too. Of course we all want to help each other, but coming to any relationship healthy and able to contribute is important to me.
I am only as healthy as I am... and my HP is working the magic on me as much as I let him... but in his time we get there. *smile*
I love your post... glad to meet you, and keep on taking care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I am at a place where I now see how incredibly ambivalent I am and have been about boundaries. How I really do not set them well. I allow others to walk all over me. I have no reasonable expectations. If you say bend I bend. I rarely put myself first.
Having boundaries when you have had none is pretty difficult.
You sound like you are really looking at what you allow and what you don't.