The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is amazing when I look back at how much managing I tried to do of others (people, places, things), not realizing how crazy making this was for me. I remember listening to an older member adding under her breath these words (in parenthesis) to the serenity prayer: God grant me Serenity to accept the things I cannot change (others) Courage to change the things I can (me) and the Wisdom to know the difference. (amen!) Listening to that was my first awareness that this step applies to so much more than powerlessness over alcohol. I had always thought I wasn't a "manager", after all, wasn't I walking on eggshells? wasn't I acting like a doormat, afraid to speak up? But I see I wasn't that way at all with my children. Quite the opposite. They bore the brunt of my unmanageable life. I expected perfection from them in an effort to keep everything calm at home (that darn eggshell walking again). My first clue that I could do something came when a police officer said to me "you allow it". That was kinda like a slap in the face. I remember thinking, what does he mean?? The very next day I found Al-Anon, and I listened and asked questions and vented...oh boy did I vent. But I began to see what that officer meant. I am NOT powerless over my own attitude and actions. The way I had been thinking and behaving prior is what that officer meant about me "allowing it". I was feeding right into this family disease, becoming just as sick...no, sicker than... the alcoholic. Admitting MY part helped to get me on the road to recovery. Acknowledging that I could only "manage" myself, realizing that I had to take my hands off of managing others, helped me to get on the road to recovery.
Grateful I'm here. Kis
__________________
Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I remember those days and events and people. I also remember that I was a very slow learner...so oppositional and defiant. "You're wrong, NOT ME!!" was my verbal and nonverbal response to others who were hoping I would redirect from the stubborn path I was on. That of course can only last for a while until I had a unique new thought; "Could I be wrong and they right?" If I had never reached that thought I doubt that I would be alive today.
