The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Re: my previous post called acceptance...I have to say that I thought the response to me feeling GOOD about finally being able to say the things and needed to say to A w/out feeling so guilty and sad that it was a good thing? I didn't think I would be told to go to meetings because I'm angry and resentful? I really thought I did well w/ that phone call. Rather than listening to all his lies about loving me and I'm sorry, it won't happen again- I'm sorry that I screwed up again it's not my fault..I just told him how it was and made it clear I was done w/ the abuse- please, direct me in my wrongs...
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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...
I used to just not answer the phone, but when it affects my childrens happiness I tend to become the mother hen- PECK his eyes out! But I think all of us has gotten the feel sorry for me, I'm so sorry, I love you sooo much calls- I'm just happy to see thru them now instead of running to him w/ open arms.
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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...
You have made a good step in accepting that you know he is lying when his mouth is moving. LOL The thing we want to help you see is that it is one step toward recovery and serenity that we all wish for you. Acceptance of the disease being separate from the person, accepting how sick he is, will slowly set you free of the resentment and anger that boils in you right now. Accepting the disease and my powerlessness over it helped me find serenity and empathy for my AH. It is freeing to know that he is sick and I still don't have to let him hurt me. I still don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. You are stepping up your boundaries to protect yourself and your child, and over time you will do it automatically and with grace and serenity instead of anger and resentment. For now use your anger to your advantage to motivate you to do what you need to toprotect yourself, as I did, as many of us do.
You are doing fine. I will always suggest a f2f meeting. That's because I know how they have helped me. They are wonderful and I wouldn't give them up for anything. I hope you can or are going to one.
Hope this helps.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
After a while of coming back, keeping an open mind, listening alot and learning what others who have much more time in recovery do your confusion will fade and you will have the "awakenings" mentioned in the 12th of our 12 steps. "Haveing had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps...." You were directed to face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups by members who have experience that was what worked for them.
If you read prior posts from members who resisted the invitation and suggestion to go to face to face meetings in their area and then finally went you will have input that for them it worked. We suggest what worked and works for us still and nothing else. A new person to this program can make what ever choices they want. They will also earn the consequences to those choices just like they are doing presently. The choices are neither right or wrong. I for one won't judge today either way. The choices are different and the recovering members of this spiritually based 12 step program understand differently today and do differently today. When I came into the Al-Anon Family Groups I felt very different from others in the room and that was the way it was supposed to be because they lived their lives differently than I. I was looking for the peace of mind and serenity that they had so I changed.
Allow yourself the awareness that this is a different place from where you come from. It is neither right or wrong. It is the right place for those who have come to understand and now live different lives. Much of what a new comer does we have done. I don't do that anymore not because it was wrong but because it didn't work.
Keep coming back. Find that hotline number and call.
But I think all of us has gotten the feel sorry for me, I'm so sorry, I love you sooo much calls- I'm just happy to see thru them now instead of running to him w/ open arms.
