My own worst enemy - Al-Anon Family Group

Codependent · Senior Member

My own worst enemy

Moonshadow · Newbie

This is part of being co-dependent.
I know what you are talking about. My A does not live with me anymore. He thinks that coming home once a week is a realtionship. It is not.
He cannot understand why I cry all the time when he is here. There are so many unresolved issue and I an not the type of person to just let it go so he can have fun while he is with me. We are not apart because we want to be. But I feel that he could stand up and take a more active part in this life instead of having his family tell him what he can do and cannot do.
I go thru the same things. Loveing him more than myself. Always worrying about him and not myself. Wanting him to come home even tho I know it will not be easy. Hating him when he is here and hating it when he is not. Calling just to hear his voice and trying to get some type of reasurance that never comes. Then we beat ourselves up because it did not go the way we planned.
Knowing everyday that I am better off without him and then my heart screaming about how much I love him.
I don't have any answers at this point in time but I want you to know you are not alone in this. He was here last night and all we did was fight and since he left all I have done is cry.
Hugs to you.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Well I've certainly been there and done that. When I met the A I drank with him. After a while I stoped. I spent a lot of time and energy obsessing after him.

There is a way out. One is to put all the energy you are putting into obsessing about him into your recovery. Learning how to detach has a beginning. Reading stuff about it helps. www.coping.org. has a lot to say about it.

Learning about how to describe your symptoms helps. Pia Melody has an excellent tex on love addition. I was completely obsessed with what the A did.

some people do change but they don't generally do it because someone else wants them to.

Some addicts do get better and commit to a relationship, some don't. The issue for me personally is that I had to live with the fact the one I hooked up with for 7 years didn't.

There is no question you can get through this. Stopping drinking can't hurt. You can start AA too and work two programs. There is a way out of this.

Maresie.

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Hi Codependent,

Thanks for sharing so honestly. You are a brave lady. I think your honesty will help you turn towards recovery for yourself and we are all pulling for you.

Hugs and Warm Wishes, Rocky

buick23 · Senior Member

Just wanted to let you know that I care. I'm trying not to have a panic attack myself at the moment. Stay strong.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

yeah Moonshadow, you stated it very very well. How nuts is that?!
I think the only way to sort this out is to go back to the source and figure it out a little more.
That is what I am doing in therapy and its helping. I can connect the dots. Knowledge is power. Feelings, as powerful as they are, are not facts. But they sure to hurt like heck sometimes. I am in so much pain right now. But its so not about him or what he did. Its about something much much older and its mine, all mine : )!! In a way, he is just a stand-in doll for the old original trauma, I know and can feel it.
Thanks for this string of thoughts and comments, really nourishing me today as I struggle with my own codependency and a recent break up (with someone I DONT EVEN REALLY KNOW OR LIKE!). BA! J.

Mariner · Senior Member

((((Code))))

Thank you for your brave and honest share. You are not alone, I too am codependant, and am living with the sheer gut wrenching terror that it brings. Working the program does help although somedays I'm just frozen with anxiety. I feel for you Code, try and be gentle on yourself. For me I gave up alcohol as even one drink added to the wretched feelings I have about myself.

With love hugs and Gratitude Carol

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Code!!

Sounds like your plate is full. You got a lot of stuff to look at and for me
today one of the things that blurred my vision most was my drinking
habits. When I got that stopped I could see a little bit better to go after
the other insanity. You're post reminded me of how c r a z y life use to
be before and in early program. I got into program and MIP to escape
it all...not just from my alcoholic/drug using relationships but also from the
consequences of my own thinking, feelings and behaviors which were the
major problem.

I believe the suggestions on how to work this program primary if you want
your life to change.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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