The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello again, the last time I posted here was in October. I talked about giving my AH a choice. Well, as you all probably could guess and know, that didn't work out. I begged off giving the choice in the end. I said I'd be back to post but then I became hesitant. In the meantime I've been reading literature daily and I attended a MIP meeting last night (albeit only for 10 minutes). I'm having a very difficult time finding serenity and getting up the courage to go to a F2F meeting. I am sad and depressed most days and I know that ultimately the place I need to start is in a F2F meeting. I hope that you will all find patience with my very "baby steps" toward my recovery. I really need the support while on this journey. Just wanted to say thanks too.
yeah, its a very tough journey. Thank you for your post. No one wants to admit these things in the beginning. Denial feels sooo good and comfy. But its the kiss of death.
Take the babiest of steps you need to. I did. The smaller the better, I think, because its totally honest and real that way. We fight tooth and nail for every quarter inch!!!
The great thing about this program is that we are accepted in every flavor we show up in. Suspicious. Mad. Furious. Giddy. Confused. Dumb or Numb. Its all accepted and considered a-ok. So come as you are as often as you can, MM. Hugs, J.
Baby steps are still steps MM.......We all work at our own pace........Some finish all the steps in a month or few, It took me almost 12 yrs to do Step 1...........now I am running-lol. Keep coming back............we'll be here and we'll be happy to see you in any shape:)
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Madmom, I understand going to that first f2f meeting is a concern for you as it has been for most others, and I also understand how important the meetings can be for you.
Do something for me. Go to the top of this page and type in ( first f2f meeting ). You can read over a 100 posts form members with your same concerns. I dare say after reading several posts it will make your decision easier and you will find the courage you need to make one of the best decisions you will ever make.
I wanted to share that when I first realized that I needed my own program of recovery, I too was hesitant. I think I kept hoping that AH would "get it" and life would return to normal. When I read through one of my first posts on this board over three years ago, it brings back all the fear and uncertainty that comes with the awareness that something is very WRONG.
I also felt a fear of going to my first face-to-face.I discovered a "beginners" meeting in my area - summoned up all my courage, and went to the first meeting and cried my eyes out. I also did that for the second, third and fourth meeting too! What I can say is that everyone there was so understanding - I no longer felt alone and felt a little stronger to continue my own journey to recovery.
I hope you do find a face to face meeting and go. Over three years later, I now feel sad if I have to miss my meeting, almost off-balance. Can you imagine that?
Anyway, keep coming here, take all the babysteps (forward and backwards too) and we'll be here for you.
Thank you all for your welcome and encouragement. I'm really feeling better having shared with you and having received such a warm welcome. I'm working on my courage day by day and will appreciate knowing I am not alone through all of this.
