The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think its taken me a full 7 years to let go of the A. Of course this task was helped immensely by learning detachment.
Nowadys I try to work on letting go of resentment, things I have no control over. The more I let go the better things are. Of course like anything else i have to practice that all the time.
I may never be "over" the A. My credit is damaged tremendously. He took everything, every single thing he could, car, goods, clothes, money. I feel like he wanted to suck me down into his suicide mission and the dogs too (otherwise why starve and abandon them?). he didn't suceed. He has his own choices about recovery. I doubt he will choose it because "poor me" still works for him.
Who knows I have to let go of it. That's the irony and the metaphor.
(((MARESIE))) I still remember reading your post forever and a day ago when you announced that you had left your A. It had such an impact on me because at the time I thought that it all could just go on forever and the trick was to learn to live with it. Bleh! I know it has been an uphill battle for you but I am honored to witness you getting stonger. I always appreciate your shares.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
when I look back on my time with the A I think he left me long long long before I even considered leaving him. His actions showed me time and again he was gone, lost in his drugs, self destructiveness, suicidality, self pity. He was gone long long before I was. What kept me there was codependence, depression and not being able to let go. Now I let go daily of so much. I have to. This program is a non stop freight train of actions for me.
The good news is that now you are learning to be and discover maresie. Not X's wife or a doormat to anyone. Technically you can be/create who you want to be. It's been a long road for you. Sometimes we have to scratch and claw our way up but you're doing it! Congrats.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
maresie, I got out with nothing also. I am sitting in a room with only a bed and a table and a chair! Yet, I am grateful to have that as I know you are too, in your situation. A's are not generous (in any way, shape or form)- we both know that!! lol!
Yet here we are. One single day at a time. Making it through. Barely surviving but we are SURVIVING and reaching a point where we can actually see a life beyond survival...one step at a time.
I find your posts and shares so inspiring and real and down to earth. I am so glad that you are a part of my recovery here at MIP. Hugs, J.
New here - and much inspired by reading all of the posts from those who have been away from their A's for a while. It's so hard for me to believe that I may actually be where some of you are now. 14 years in with my A. I have made him move out - AGAIN. His new vice is marijuanna. He was stoned when I got home from work every day last week. Says he was asked to "smoke" by 2 contractors on 2 different occasions during the same week - the window guy and the plumber.
How do you get past the love? I still love my husband. I just can't take the other stuff.
