The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK AH had to walk to the store tonight to return a video. He was already acting strange, sort of detached...getting on my nerves. I thought about offering him a ride because it is raining off and on. But I didn't. He left and a little while later I had to do somethings, so I figured I'd drive by the store and see if he wanted a ride back. Usually I wouldn't because I'm really trying to let go, but I was feeling guilty. I thought I'd just give him a ride back. I went to the grocery store and saw him at the video box thing. He was leaning against it. I tried to convince him to take a ride home, but he said he wanted to walk home. Nothing he said really made sense, but I left without him. Well, long story short, it's dark, rainy, cold.I start worrying about him. Scared he's lying down in the gutter or got beat up. Actually I was just about to get in the car and start circling the nieghborhood when I see his figure sneaking up the drive.
-- Edited by canadianguy at 02:06, 2008-12-08
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
That's a really tough one, because, really, we're talking about a human being here. When we talk about our loved one and their DUI's, it's an honest question whether or not we should report them. The reality is that if we do, we come across to law enforcement as the loved one with an axe to grind; if we do nothing, other people's lives are at stake. In cases like your husband, he could have gotten hurt on his own, without risking other people's lives. I'm not sure I know a good answer, but I would talk with a professional and see what you're responsible for. Once the legal boundries are laid out, that might make detachment alot easier.
I spent years worrying myself sick about the A. Somehow he got "off" on that. When I stoped worrying I am sure he was shocked. The only way I could "stop" was to start learning detachment.
I spent many a night sick to the stomach with worry about where he was and what he was doing. The A's behavior did not change. I changed. You do have the option to learn some skills here that will help you stop being so obsessed with him and his self destructive actions.
Yeah I understand. I heard a joke- Q: why do the wives of alcoholics have lines on thier foreheads? A: from pushing thier faces up to the blinds
so true it hurts. All the time I lost watching the street for him. The hours could add up to days, weeks, months, who knows? ANd all the anxiety that comes with it, I'm sure put more than a few gray hairs on my head. But then I got better. I didn't stay up waiting for him. I didn't ask him where he was. I was letting go. He was just so pitiful though. I felt responsible for him. Then I was right back to where I always had been, watching the clock, watching the street. Unable to focus on much of anything else. When he snuck in the house I confronted him immediately. Told him he was a creep that smelled like the recycling bin. Told him "This is exactly why I'm done with you". The next day he apologized, insisting he was out shopping and lost track of time. It's a concept he is never, ever going to understand.
Maybe it is good to relapse like this; remind me what the last 3 years were like lest I forget. We have been living in the same house comfortably, never touching, barely speaking. It could go on like that forever.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
