The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am very glad I found this board, I need to talk to others that understand what it is to have an addict in your life. My 28 year old son has been using for 10 years, and after thinking for many years that I could help him, or that some wonderful day the handsome, smart and loving son I knew would return to me understanding the error of his ways, I now have no such illusion.
I am trying very hard to stop doing for him, to set limits, and cut the money off. It is killing me, he has just left my house with $3.00 dollars in his pocket, he ate some cookies and drank a soft drink. I don't know if he has any food at his place.
This is driving me crazy, one day I feel strong and I can detach and let him hit bottom, then other days I panic. It doesn't help that their are people in my family that does not understand this and what it is like. They drop hints to me about how bad he looks, how skinny he is, how sorry they feel for him. They don't know how my heart is broken, I feel ashamed that I can't help him.
I just want to come in and tell you all I am glad I found this place.
Welcome to the family DO...If you read the prior post from our family you will realize that you are not alone and some of our members would fit very well in your shoes while others a bit more loose or tight. You are not alone and never have to be again. You don't have to suffer and won't suffer much longer if you take the simple suggestions that are offered you here and follow thru. You will never have to abandon your addict son or stop loving him. We will teach you how to love yourself and love him unconditionally while we are offering our own love to you.
Suggestions that helped save my sanity and life when I first got into the program was....get to as many meetings as I could one day at a time for 90 days. You will or should find the hotline number to the Al-Anon Family Groups in the white pages of your telephone directory. Call it and listen for meeting places and times...hold your breath and go meet them as early as you can. Next while there get as much information as you can printed and otherwise about addiction (most will be about alcoholism yet drugs are also mind, mood and life altering chemicals also). Stay and talk with meeting members after the meeting and ask them for feedback. Learn our twelve steps, traditions and concepts and repeat this program for the next 90 days. If after that time you find that the program is helping you to achieve peace of mind and serenity and sanity regardless of what your addict son is doing you might want to stay longer and learn more. If it is not helping by all means look for something that might work better.
I am glad to have you here. This program and everything and one involved with and in it helped save my life and for that I am grateful and do what I can to pass it on.
I was so touched by your post. I too, have a son who is a drug addict. It has caused me agonizing hearthache.
The only thing that has helped me cope is attending Alanon meetings. My friends and family are wonderful people but they dont understand what it is like to have an addicted son. That is why I feel so 'understood' at Alanon. I attended a meeting tonight and the topic was 'get off the pity pot'. I want so much to have a pity party. While my other friends children are in college and holding down good jobs, my son is going to jail.
I attended 2 meetings today in fact. My goal is to attend at least 5 meetings a week.
Welcome to MIP! You are right. You will find experience, strength and hope. Remember the 3 C's - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. My son's compulsion is spending. Before I knew it he can cleaned out my savings. I had paid the rent, utilities, car payment, etc. And he was eating out, buying fancy clothes, and hitting the bars. NO is hard but soooo good for them. You are definitely not alone. Can you attend f2f Alanon meetings? And read the literature? Keep coming back.
Hi, there is no shame in not "helping" ! The thing that really helped me when I would be thinking about giving the A money was my boss. She once said why don't you just go down to the bar and prepay for him. Every cent is going to go to drugs/alcohol. Now I think of helping as helping get to death sooner and I think it takes a lot more strength and love to not help than it does to just give in and give him what he wants. You are very strong for saying no and it may save his life!
