The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Boy do I love my face to face meetings. We often hear how important going to real meetings are, it's so true.
The other night a gentleman was sharing a story of a mistake that he had made a few days earlier, and it was so hard to hear his pain. He felt he had been deceived and tricked into giving out information that he wished he hadn't given. He felt really bad about being naive. My heart reached out to him. Though we were on Step 12 that evening, Step 9 immediately came to mind.
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
After the meeting I shared with him a Step 9 story of my own and how I wished I had known then what I know now. Many years ago when I was working the steps for the first time, I was working so hard on my recovery and so eager to work through all the steps seeking serenity in my life. I read the first part of Step 9 but not the second part. I also made an amends that in hindsight I wished I had remembered "except when to do so would injure them."
So what did I learn from that?
1. Talk to my sponsor or another alanoner before making an amends. 2. Sometimes the best amends to make (and often the hardest is to "change my behavior"). 3. The second part of Step 9 is not to prevent me from making amends but to balance out this program and learn how to discriminate which amends to make and which ones will not be beneficial for others to hear. 4. Part of my recovery means sitting through the uncomfortableness that life will throw me. "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional"
In recovery, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I am finishing up my 4th Step inventory. Getting ready to make amends. Really looking forward to some and dreading the others. Thanks for the guidance. When I started the inventory, I started changing my behavior. Saying thank you, apoligizing right away, not saying anything where I would normally mouth off.
Did you say "in hindsight"? As in changing the past? The best definition of "injuring others" I have heard is "except when it will cause trouble" and that is about any trouble including causing me more trouble in my search for serenity.
