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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> AH needs Space
Post Info TOPIC: AH needs Space
Toto814


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AH needs Space
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About 6 months ago my AH asked for Space so he could get his act together - he said some time apart may be helpful to our marriage - after putting up with his comings and goings for several months, I wrote this as a relection of what his request for "Space" had turned into.  Would like to know if anyone has experienced this same behavior?

Space

 

My lover asked for space and with some difficulty I agreed, 

 

For to be reflective, is to search for what one needs,

 

A time for answers, to set the path clear, and 

 

Find the way back to someone most dear.

 

But the way may be lost as space is not,

 

Ignoring your dearest, slamming and shouting, 

 

No time for engaging, just singles outings.

 

The present is here and the time has arrived,

 

To build on the good and begin to be alive

 

The love is present, were only he.. 



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debilyn


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oh hon I am so sad for you. Have you read lots of literature? Meetings? That may help you some.

If you can, keep busy, do things you like. Maybe go visit others. Broken hearts are real.

Learning more about alcoholism may help you be able to take care of your own life and learn to be happy with or without him. It can be done.

Keep coming back. thank you for sharing. love,debilyn

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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
<(*@*)>
nmike


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He left over 3 years ago after 30 years of marriage. He said I am not happy with you. Sad. And it really isn"t about us it is about the disease. Find your way back to your HP. You can still love him back.

In support,
Nancy

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Maria123


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((((Toto)))),

You are already growing and that's wonderful.

The present is here and the time has arrived,

To build on the good and begin to be alive.

This is your time now, Toto.  Take good care of you, spend your efforts and energy on good things for you.  It takes practice and time, but I can tell you.  It works.  In addition, people are attracted to others who "are alive, happy, serene."

The journey of 1,000 miles begins with but a single step.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other,
Maria

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If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?
maresie


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The A who I was once with took lots of space he was often gone days.  In some ways his space taking was a reason to "use" . Often it was a way to play me to get me upset so I would put up with more bad behavior. Generally it worked. Then came a time when he was pretending to be going to move 2 states away.  A friend of his mentioned that he was just saying it to get to me. For some reason that one time was a way to detach even more. I got tired of having my issues "played".

I had tremendous abandonment issues. The A who I was with used to play on them to get his needs met.  Now I still have abandonment issues but no one plays on them.  I have boundaries now and my needs are far more important to me than allowing someone to walk all over me.

Maresie.

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maresie
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