hopelessly devouted to crap..i am...the crap of an alcoholic girlfriend drunk dialing at two innthe morning and six in the morning while i have to get up for work


the ringer was off but i heard her calling me in a dream...fearful...and the dream woke me up and i saw her calls...i called back to check up on her...my first mistake...she was wasted...i hung up but couldn't fall back to sleep for an hour last night


just sick of it but i guess not sick enough


she is in portland visiting her mother..i am glad she's gone..miss her a little but wish she would stay out there for a long long long vacation..or even geographical change

me..i am still taking care of myself...a coda meeting tonight..very good for me...and steady work gives me a sense of self..responsibility and escape from the mundane bull crap that exists in my life...sober still and going to meetings daily...calling and talking to my sponser..some step work and bog book work and generally feeling 40 thousand times better then when i first got sober and got turned onto this message board


still more work ahead but feeling that much more confident...focussed and generally all right


thinking about moving closer to my job if i commit there for any long stretch of time

as far as the girl...i play that out one day at a time...the boundaries have increased...her usage of alcoho, and drugs has decreased and so has the drama..but i am not confident yet that this is what i want...generally it isn't...but i continue to play the game...finally realizing that i am my problem...and not her...she is simply a symptom of my own inadequecies and my own mass hysteria...so i will continue to focus on myself...learn to love myself that much more...each day...doing the next right thing..asking for my higher powers will for me in all of my affairs...and not my own will and continue to grow...feel better and get better

much love light and life force energy to all

peace