The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been really having the hardest time the past couple of weeks, recently ended a year long relationship with 10yr sober xbf-who activly works the program. I was/am still very tired emotionally and physically from the roller coaster ride that has been my life for the past 12 yrs or so. I had spent years building the perfect little life for my son and I. I had walls built so high I had no chance of ever getting out, and I was safe-or so I thought. I met Bob online and then in person and my entire life changed. After years of not allowing no one near my son, and years of me pushing everyone away from me-I finally let someone in. I had no idea what I was in for. To far into the relationship to turn around- I realized that even though I had been divorced from very abusive ex AH and thought he was gone and I was now ok-I wasn't-therefore new XBF paid the price.......over and over again, until he had nothing left to give. My bottem came when I realized that I was still the same, mean angry abused woman I had been 12 yrs ago,,,,,,hair was longer, maybe a little bigger-lol, but still the same woman hiding and running.....I realized the damage I had done to my son, and I realized I had to take control back of my life. I still struggle with things, but have found a peace and serenity in my life, I see colors now where things before were only black and white......I feel the wind on my face and see people as they are and not who I want them to be. I am getting better and would like to Thank you all for helping and would like to thank my sponser......she is proving over and over again to be one of my biggest blessings...... I came, I came to, I came to believe.....
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
What phenomenal insight. I have to work pretty hard on letting down the boundaires. That is one reason I'm so active in this board. I really have to have places where I can go and tell my truth.
Isolation for so many of us can become a norm after being involved in the chaos and crisis of an active A. Isolation for me works so well sometimes I only have to deal with me. I have to find a way to have better relationships and enjoy life. I know for the 7 years with the A I enjoyed very very little. At the end I was terribly depressed and just morose.
