The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 19 yr old son is a drug addict. I won't bore you with the full story of the past 3 years. In a nut shell, due to drug use my son has had psych ward stays, a suicide attempt (this after his best friend committed suicide), violence, drug dealing, car crashes, arrests, ect......a gruesome rollercoaster for 3 years.
In March he was arrested on 3 felony drug charges- in april he entered residential rehab for treatment and stayed over 5 months until October. He is sober and working a program.
Currently he lives at home again, he works 3 days a week at a vet and attends meetings. Signing up for school or looking for a job with more hours is not practical because he will be doing jail time soon. (when his case finally ends). Meanwhile- he is up and down- one day he is fine, the next day he is ultra depressed. I"m sure upcoming jail time causes him stress.
I learned today my son spent time with one of his old 'drug using' friends- my son openly told me about it but swears he only saw his friend briefly.
I attend alanon faithfully. I am learning about co-addiction and about how sick I had become. Currently I am really struggling. I work hard not to obsessively worry about my son relapsing. I fear slipping into old patterns.
Has anyone else been in this situation or have any insight on the situation?
Been there. Both of my children. We (as parents) have to be strong and guide them to surrender to program work. I have seen miracles happen for my kids and for others in recovery. For you, stay close to your fellowship and do everything they tell you to. For your son, love him. He will learn to trust in your faith that this, too, shall pass. Choices. Consequences. Harsh life lessons. Your son has already learned from his mistakes. He will have to take charge of his own recovery to make it. Be Love. Pray "God -stay close to my son so he may find you". Let go. Watch the miracles unfold.
I think any of us who are around an active alcoholic go into obsess mode.
Detaching is such an art. Personally I have to practice it day and night. I can be quite controlling. There are many many texts on how to deal with living with an alcoholic. Certainly there are red flags which you are observing. I personally either obessed about red flags, argued with the A about them or went into complete denial. I think there was also a time when I felt completed defeated and "done".
Many of us in this room have been through tremendous roller coasters. My own experience strength and hope is that self care is really hard for some of us. I could care for the A, anticipate his every need, make his life paramount but taking care of me is a mystery still.
I hope you will join up here, share a lot and really engage. This is a valuable resource.
I know the feeling. I am a Mom of an addict/Ah as well. Alanon provided me the tools to be the best Mom I could be when my son needed me, when he came to me asking for help. Letting go of him and putting him in my HP's hands was hard... but, but, but, I am HIS Mom!... as if I knew better. For me, it was a titanic battle between working my program and being 'the' Mom. I was on top of him for the longest time to seek sobriety. Did not work. When I let go of him, a miracle happened. He asked for help to seek sobriety.
He is now sober. He lived with me for a year and all good... when he moved out I was in a tizzy because I missed him and of course, because I worried.... then it dawned on me 'his sobriety does not depend on me!'... easier to apply to others in my family who are ill with the disease, but try telling that to a Mom!...
Like me, my son has his own HP to take care of him. Like me, he has his own program to follow. Like me, he has friends in program he can rely on if needed.... and I needed to trust in my HP to care for him as much as I trust my HP to care for me. I just about went ballistic when I heard he had seen 'friends' from his past...... before I could even open my mouth, my son said to me 'Mom, I did not do any drugs ok? stop worrying'.
And for me it was a call to deepen my program and to practice parts of my program that I had not practiced for a long time. We cannot change people, but we can change ourselves.
Keep coming back. Take it one day at a time, even if you have to take it one minute at a time. Put the slogans to work. Trust your HP to do what you cannot do. I had to. It was the only way to restore serenity into both of our lives.
The program works if we work it. Take care of yourself.
