The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling exhausted and, I think, numb. I told my parents today the real reason my ex and I broke up--bc he is an A, not bc I wasn't ready for commitment like I told them originally. My mom was understanding and sympathetic.
My dad got angry and I think felt like, once again, he could not save me. I lost my fiance on 9/11 and since then I think he has felt a little out of control in terms of not being able to protect me from feeling pain and getting hurt. Now, here I am again, in pain and I got hurt--and he cannot fix it. His anger is more subtle than one might imagine, but it's the silence and the look on his face that spoke volumes to me.
Anyway, I find myself feeling very sad now, but not about my situation, more about how my parents must feel about me. We are a close family. I am always trying to assure them that I am fine, and them knowing this kind of takes that away from me. They worry and I hate that. I wish I could take their worry away...
I think honesty is usually preferable. Your parents are full grown adults who can handle their own feelings the same way you and we all do. You don't do them any favors by "protecting" thier feelings. Protecting and rescuing others just make them dependent on us. Parents must come to terms with the fact that we cannot protect our children from the bumps and bruises of life. It is not a childs responsibility to protect the parent (at least until they become truly dependent in old age).
All just my own humble opinion of course.
Keep the focus on you.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
well done hope , much better when were honest . Your parents love you and want u to be happy , they too feel powerless to help and I know u know how that feels . Let dad know that u are going to be okay and that your attending A-Anon for yourself . act okay and one day u will be . trust me dad or mom are not dissapointed in you they jsut don''t know how to help . Share with them what your learning in prog and they will feel much better and support your efforts . good luck Louise
My mother once told me that the toughest part about being a parent, is not being able to mend a broken heart. It's easy to fix the bumps and bruises. Finacial help comes easy too. But how do you mend something that can only be mended with time and self love? They want their children to lead a healthy, happy, pain free life.
You did well by telling them. Remind them how strong you are. You are. After all you had the courage to continue on without your fiance. You have a strong program in place. No child wants to let their parents down. You can't live your life for your parents' approval or because you are afraid that they might worry. You have to live your life for you. Reassure them that all will be well. Turn them over to their HP. If they worry, they worry. It's the nature of being a parent. All of you will be fine. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
