The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For a whole year after leaving the A I've sat on that edge. I had no clear direction of how I will get out of the situation I am in (financial and emotional stuff). Of course many of us who leave an active A leave with huge debt, much work to do and more.
I am still very very much on survival. Most of my time is spent in taking care of immediate needs. All of my needs are not being taken care of. I inch towards them but there is no question they are not. A solution to my issues is not on the horizon. I spend every day all day working on getting to another level but it isn't going to happen for a while. I have to accept it and I know that is where I really lost it with the A. I spent years not being able to accept reality. Now I can, I don't like it. I certainly don't relsih it but I can be in reality.
I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. Mine is certainly not what I want but its better than I've had for a long time. Most of that is in my attitude more than anything else.
I know the holidays can be hard for many of us. I am going to work a lot to destress and organize. I really do want a clear plan in 2009 of what's next.
Maresie...I would only believe something like that if it came directly from my Higher Power. Since it came only from your own source of thinking and fearing...try this question out. Could you be wrong? That's a faith question for me because I so often was when I was thinking that for sure I knew the answers. I don't know and today I know I don't know. Do your program work and turn the outcomes over.
Have a very Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for sharing your journey here.
(((((hugs)))))
ps. I hope Maresie that a part of the plan will be to take 2009 one day at a time. I can go crazy trying to live it in bigger chunks. Littler bites...better digestion.
The holidays, aren't what we want them to be, they just are. So be it. I have a warm home, a car, a job, my sons, my pets, and life itself. I am going with family and then friends and then a little work.
I can't tell you how badly I'd like a clear plan in 2009 and knowing what's next too!!! Lately, I am NOT okay with uncertainty and the plans I had for 2008, never materialized. As the year comes to an end, I've been in disbelief over this, stressing out, not sleeping well, and my eye has started twitching again.
Today, I thought of steps 1, 2 and 3. I noticed how my body responded... I took some nice, deeeeep breaths. I need to pray for more faith. It feels better to have hope again... and faith in my HP's will for me.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
"All of my needs are not being taken care of. I inch towards them but there is no question they are not. A solution to my issues is not on the horizon. I spend every day all day working on getting to another level but it isn't going to happen for a while. I have to accept it... " -maresie
I read these words & think, ' "this is based on what has prveiously happened" ' ~ I mean ~ don't project or think about the future at all, actively focus on ONLY this present moment ~ I guess what I am saying is don't think of "any thing" in particular - MYOB mind your own business; think of self: contemplate/, meditate; focus on you/now ( or self & nothingness) < I know how BORING it is >
My mom used to tell me to "set to zero" when I was a lil kid, i know, make it clear or firogive, to get to a place where you can have faith and a positive hope for yourself, absolutley without a doubt it is possible, it is simple a willingness to see it that way is all the difference. Change your perception of an attitude.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Maybe I should clarify. My life is certainly better. I do what I can every day. I also have a much much better attitude. Nevertheless my life is stil pretty hard. 2009 will be easier because I have a program. To expect everything to change overnight is magical thinking and I'm not willing to go there anymore. I do go out of my way to make my life better though in sane ways rather than insane ways now.
