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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting!
Post Info TOPIC: How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting!
slowlearner


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How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting!
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The stress is already beginning to start.  I am having Thanksgiving at my house on Saturday for about twenty people (this is my side of the family and I have done this for 10 years now)  Really didn't want to do it - but my kids love the tradition of it - so I gave in.  My AH's family get together is on Thursday and it's a drive of about two hours away.  I really dislike going because they drink alot and my AH joins right in and I  have to drive back.  Not only that the other ten brothers and sisters - especially the sisters are pretty snotty - and it's usually uncomfortable for me.  My kids are not going but feel very strongly that I should go and support their father and see the in-laws.  I don't want to go - would rather stay home and get ready for Thanksgiving on Saturday.  But the "shoulds" are attacking me and I don't want to disappoint anyone.  Anyway - I know I should take care of myself and do what is good for me.  But the anxiety of the decision already has me shaking.  I've tried to explain this to everyone but they have a hard time understanding it.  Holidays at home when I was growing up were always very stressful and not that much fun most of the time. 

Anyway just venting some pent up feelings.  Just writing about this helps.  Thanks for listening. 

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maresie


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See it as practice in saying no. No one likes it when a people pleaser turns into a boundary setter. Just say no don't explain it and say no more.

sounds like you have a huge job on Saturday anyways.

Remember this all takes practice.

Stop beating yourself up.

Do something just for you!

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maresie
Jerry F


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Aloha SL...I hope you've not been projecting into the future.  When I just knew
I was going to have a bad time it became a guarantee and no one had the
opportunity to be a pleasant person.  I don't (today) put myself in active
drinking situations either.  Maybe a plan B would be to take your cell phone and
your sponsors phone number with you.  Take it minute by minute or hour by
hour and don't get too far into the future.

Happy Thanksgiving.

(((((hugs)))))smile

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nmike


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Take care of yourself. Start by asking your HP what he(she) wants for you. Either way is ok.

In support,
Nancy

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debilyn


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Hello. One thing in my experience that made me healthier is not use the word should.

I also realized I need to stick to taking care of me, that I don't have to do anything that I find uncomfortable. Kids do not understand everything. To me to go to the inlaws was drinking poison.

I refuse to be around poisonous people, period. Would not go with AH becuz all it did was give the creeps ammunition to use against me. Nothing about me was ok.

I didn't drink or use, vegetarian, did not cuss, did not gossip, loved my husband, we acted like real married people whether they accepted me or not.

What would make one do something they do not want to do? Go where they do not want to go?

It is my thought, that to show our kids it is ok to choose not to be around  people who are not good for me.

Anyway I invite you to do what feels comfy for you. Take care of you.

Should to me is putting a guilt trip on ourselves. I either do or don't.

hugs,debilyn

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting!