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This is a phrase that has always befuddled me. What does it mean? If I am hurting, angry, depressed, dejected, and lost, I am NOT where I am supposed to be. If I am standing atop a tall building contemplating the jump, I am NOT where I am supposed to be. Yet I hear this spoken time and again to people who are experiencing their lowest ebb. Is it because we are supposed to believe that "HP" guides our every move, and so we are "exactly where we are supposed to be" at any given time because it is preordained?
HP, I would think, wants us to be joyful, well in mind and body, and prosperous. SO whose idea is it that even if we find ourselves in the pits of hell we are, "right where we are supposed to be"?
I am having trouble with that one....
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
For me that is a phrase of choices and conditions or personal will including circumstances beyond my control. I believe that HP's will is not about where I am but more about how and with what I do about where I am.
If I have made the choice and done the behavior to make little or no changes in my life willfully or by habit then I will be where I am supposed to be. If my reaction is fear, anger, rage, dishonesty, ego, pride, and all the other negative self seeking behaviors that isn't HP's will (for me) if my reaction is love, compassion, honesty, selflessness, acceptance and other positive behaviors I believe I am just where I am supposed to be and doing my HP's will also.
For me, it means OK, I have made my bed and now its time to lie in it, as Jerry has articulated so well above. In addition: even when I imagine I am in the "pits of hell" (and it is of MY imagining AND creation, no one else imagined or created it) its also acknowledgment that this too shall pass as we go through endless cycles of positive and negative experiences in order to fully appreciate a full range of growth which is the reason why we are here, I believe.
On a final note (for me), its also about how things being bad and things being good becomes impersonal for me. I no longer take anything personally any more. I see that there are some incredibly useful things in the "pits of hell" (BURN HAND ON THE STOVE?) in that I learn to get out of the pits of hell. I learn not to drive around near the pits of hell. I learn that the pits of hell can also become a place I pass through, willingly, in order to get to some other place so its no longer that bad of a place anymore, etc. SO, the pits of hell are not the pits of hell anymore. Likewise, when wonderful things happen, this too is tempered. I enjoy, I feel, I am grateful, I am sad, I am angry, I am joyful, its all the motion of process- feelings are not facts, its really true, they are colors on the palette, notes in a composition or moves in choreography.
I am finding as I grow in my program that I no longer take much of anything personally anymore.
I too have struggled with this phrase, especially these days. Somebody said that to me the other day, after I just got back from another funeral! Trust me I wanted to lash out at that person. But I knew they meant well, so I held my tongue.
Now I have said it to people here. When I have, it's becaue I have seen them beating themselves up for where they are in their recovery. They think they should be better at it or should be healed. I use it as a reminder to take a deep breath, to remember that they are doing the best they can at this point and time. A reminder that they can't rush their recovery. I certainly don't want them to think that they are suppose to be miserable.
The flip side of that is that I have seen people use it as a cop out. I know this non Alanon person who continually whines about how hard his life is. (Trust me when I tell you, we should all have his issues. Life would be great!) The problem is is that he's been whining about it for 35 years +! He has done nothing to try and change his life. He just likes to whine. I would never use that phrase on him. Talk about enabling! I have actually cut ties with this person because I can't take his negativity any more. Maybe I'm not in the right frame of mind to deal with him anymore.
Great question as always. Love and blessings to you and your family. Love to all the babies too.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am grateful for all these replies, especially Karilynn's reminder for compassion of self.
When I found the doors of al-anon, I came crawling on my hands and knees, completely hopeless and broken. I was told I was "right where I needed to be." Which really challenged my role as a victim! It was explained to me, that only when I was willing to see that this is where my best thinking had brought me... total despair... that I could finally consider surrendering and turning my will and my life over to HP. "I can't, God can, I think I'll let Him." It's a choice. The phrase reminds me to detach from my unhappy story about myself and connect with Consciousness/HP.
I am grateful for Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth, which has greatly enhanced my recovery this year. Reading about the "pain-body" was very helpful to me and I thought of it as I was pondering your question. Thanks for being here with us, Diva.
-- Edited by glad lee at 10:03, 2008-11-23
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be, has always been one of my favorite phrases. From it I recieved validation, I may have been in the pits of hell but I had not been forgotten or banished by my HP, I had something to learn that could only be found by walking through them. Also forgiveness, if I was not working my program as I thought I should or maybe needed a break to absorb and mentally file everything, it was ok to take a break, find my center and then come back ... this can apply to any area of my life. Also it gives me freedom from other's expectations .. because I am exactly where I am meant to be right now, in body, in thought, in life, I do not have to explain or excuse my being right here right now. To me it encompasses all of the best parts of taking careof yourself, having faith in a HP, being comfortable in your own skin and where you are, and having the right to be where you want to be.
I thank each of you for your thoughtful replies to my question. I agree with some and wonder about others, but that's ok. I respect and honor your opinions. Each of you has a slightly different take on the phrase, so I suppose it can mean exactly what we wish it to mean.
I wish every one an enjoyable Thanksgiving feast and a blessed holiday season.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
When I am in trouble, I turn to my Higher Power. So... "I am exactly where I am supposed to be" if my trouble has brought me to God. Being "in the pits of hell" will have served a great purpose.
(((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Nice topic. I don't use it. I don't think I'm "supposed" to do and be anywhere. Some places and actions suit me better than others, but there's no supposed to or right. Just more pleasurable or those that give me a better "return". It does take vigilance to remember what works for the long run, though. Those instant pay-offs are sometime specious. Jill
