The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I liked him, he liked me. Great date ... then "I was in a long distance relationship" turned to "It is ending soon" to "I don't know how, she is an old friend". Well ... crap.
I did the next best step, and explained kindly but firmly that I am not going to play that game. Emotionally unavailable men are off limits to me, whether it be from an addiction to a substance, an old friend, a way of life I do not agree with or anything else. I've been physically alone for 2 years, emotionally alone for many years, and have thought it my business to deal with other people's problems too long. I'm working my butt off to get to the point where I can have an open heart, no lingering past negativity, no drama. Just a nice, quiet ... kind of boring little life. I am making a vow that I am not gonna be anyone's therapist, escape from a relationship, or fixer .... and I do not expect anyone to be mine. Just a clear open heart and a desire to live in a pious fashion. I'm open to any way of living that has a solid foundation. <sigh>
It was hard, I could have pretended to believe had some fun, and wishful thinking. But I am proud of myself. I called it as I saw it, said it loud and proud and walked away. No pretending that we could be friends, only a little desire to fall into denial and boom ... i'm a little sad but have some pride in following my logic instead of wishes and dreams
Thanks to the program and all of you for saving my rear from what probably would have been a drawn out painful experience.
Well, I don't know how you did it. Sometimes we think being with someone is better than being alone. Good for you. I like your boundaries. Emotionally unavailable. That is exactly my AHsober (separated - his choice). When we are together he is gone before he gets in the door. I am beginning to think who needs this. Especially when he is there for other people. I have been alone over three years. It gets better because you can weed out those we don't want to be around.
Great timing Jen, me too! I have been in this long distance thing and I have had enough. I quit responding to his texts, emails, etc. He calls and leaves a message about how he wants to talk to me about a new house he wants to rent, etc. etc. I did not respond. I thought about it. I could see it was bait. I have not been contacting him in a week. So he dangles bait. I did not take it. I texted him several hours later that it sounded exciting and good luck and that was it. DETACHMENT. I cannot help him. I do not want to be "in" his decision making process when its simply a baiting decoration, nothing of any substance and I know its nothing of substance. Who cares where he lives, really? I sure don't! I do not consult with him where I am moving to next, that is for sure!
Yes, its best when we see all those red flags to KICK EM TO THE CURB, not dive in! YAY! Progress!! Hugs, J.
I love this post!!!! Thank you Jennifer! Yet another lesson in how I can live my life better. Seriously, before this program, I would have been shocked and appaled at your decision. I was taught that whatever man wanted me, I had to get involved with. And I mean live with, have kids with and marry.
I will carry your beautiful choice with me as I move ahead into this adult world of dating. Thanks for sharing your strength.
It is only here in these rooms that I really learn how to live a good life.
JO's getting all growed up and looking good!! Great share Jen. Keep on keeping on. You got that other relationship that's most important to take care of anyway...that one with yourself.
Jennifer, I LOVE your post. Reminds me of myself. You're a girl who knows where she is going, and I commend you for sticking to your mindset. Your self-respect is out there for all to see.
Nothing else to add. You have said it all. Good for you!!!
With admiration,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Wow! Jen that is so awesome. I love this program. It really is so much nicer to have self respect and live in reality.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
