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I just had a visit from my ex AH (3 years ex)! I posted a week ago about his sudden change in attitude. Tonight he came to my home to explain...how he had a bad childhood, parents were alcoholics, he saw violence between his parents, he was abused, he started drinking very young, he has had memories return that he had forgotten, that I snore, the kids wouldn't pick up the towels after themselves, I never understood him...the list went on and on!!! My only comment was that he could get professional help, if he wanted to
It was a sad 10 minutes.
But a perfect example of how he never takes responsibility for his actions.
I remember hysterically crying begging my ex to tell me WHY he went out on a binge and he said "because you haven't done the dishes in a week! I couldn't take it anymore!" LOL! So, rather than talk to me, or do them yourself, you decided a week long crack binge would relieve the stress of unwashed dishes. Good choice!
They are so sick. They always have someone to blame. Good for you for keeping it to a 10 minute conversation! Or monolouge as the case may have been.
You snore and the kids left towels on the floor....whooo! Just imagine if he had to live with himself and the disease of alcoholism like you did......
oh yeah, this was my favorite, too- the monologues. wow, I cannot believe I would sit through them- years and years. YOU are glad you gave him up 3 years ago? That makes TWO of us- I am glad I gave mine up at that time also- and you just reminded me why I am SOOOO GRATEFUL! Thanks! Hugs, J.
Well it is something that he has a sense of where he came from. The issue is that he is asking you to help him and take care of him when you don't want to. I think that is so typical of an alcoholic. I had to tell one of my roomates last night that his marjuana use and depression is on him nothing to do with me. I think he was astonished. After all wasn't I put on earth to take care of him and feel sorry for him. I wasn't being harsh either. I had no you 'shoulds' in there.
I think its remarkable that you are able to withstand this kind of stuff. The A who I with could turn on his feel sorry for me stuff and I'd melt. Now I don't but I have to say it was 3-4 years of heavy program for me to do that.
They really are masters at blaming anyone or anything else BUT THEMSELVES for their drinking. I am usually "to blame" for my A's binging. I have learned to simply reply, "Probably so," and go on about my business. Once again sober, he is all apologies.
I agree 100% with Jean's response.
Good luck, and happy holidays,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
