The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Went to family birthday dinner and A was there suprisingly. My son was happy to see him, but I was painfully aware that he still makes me nervous. He still makes me rethink everything I said to him and if I sounded insecure or confrontational...wondering what he thought of me. He even sent me a text message today that I responded to. Granted, I didn't call him last night and I didn't take the texting as far as I would have normally. Still I wish I didn't care. I wish I still didn't feel like I am the one who is weaker- that if he asked I would come running. Thanks for letting me share.
Ugh. I can totally relate to this. It really hit me when you said that you that you wish you didn't feel like you are the one who is weaker. I feel like that, too, but the truth is, we are stronger than we think. It is still so hard. Consider your not texting/calling progress. I recently experienced the same thing and was impressed with my progress in terms of not calling/texting back like I once did. I, too, would go running if the opportunity presented itself, but not without some strict boundaries (which, we both know would NEVER work!). Still, I dream of a day when he is in recovery and comes to me with an open heart and the ability to meet my needs in a functional relationship. Hang in there. You are not alone. Thanks for sharing, too.
Yeah, there is that hypnotic power, isn't there? Or something? It is literally intoxicating at times which just goes to show its exactly like being an alcoholic, it seems to me- HA! THEREIN lies the issue- we are as addicted to them as they are to their drug of choice. Plain and simple. Thanks for posting, Hugs, J.
Sounds like you did great. I know the A I was with was absolutely astonished when I stopped responding. I used to jump when he said so. Now of course I am at a point where I don't speak to him at all. Believe me that did not happen overnight. Don't beat yourself up. Keep practising those boundaries, put down the stick and keep at it you are making progress.
