The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Big realization this morning upon waking up- if it isn't "here" in this moment, I must not need it! HA! HP knows me waaay better than I know myself. HP gives me exactly what I need at the moment I need it. I am feeling a huge relief as this surrendering flows through me! YAY! All I need to do is receive. Be the empty bowl that HP fills.
When I think I need something that is no where in sight that is F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal (FEAR) as Jerry F. recently reminded me of. That is ME telling me I need something. That is not HP. That is me generating my own trauma and drama. That is me self-sabotaging.
Look around. What do you have right here, right now?! THAT is all you need in this moment, right here, right now. Plain and simple. When I whine and have a tantrum and act like a 2 year old and say "I want THIS, I want THAT" that is acting like a baby and I am not a baby. I am a full grown, beautiful adult. Hey, I might actually be growing up finally at 45...if A's get stuck being teenagers certainly us al-anoners get stuck being babies- in a way, our disease halts our maturity growth waay earlier than the A's, I think.
Big lightbulb went off, thank you HP. Thanks for listening, J.
Exactly! And when I look back at how upset and worried I get AFTER I have been taken care of, I think "what a waste that was!"
My cousin is the excutor of my father's estate. She all the sudden decided that I didn't deserve the monthly check that I live and support my 3 girls on. So, she stopped giving it to me. Then she told me how everything that has gone wrong with the estate is MY fault and that the estate could sue me. This hit me hard. I have 2 kids birthdays plus Christmas and she decides now is a good time to pull the purse strings because she is still mad that my dad didn't "leave" her anything. Family, gotta love them.
That sent me to bed for 2 full days with hysterical crying and depression and fear. How will I pay my bills?Pay for Christmas? this is our first Christmas without Jim who killed himself in May. This year we are truly, absolutely alone. No family of orgin what so ever. and now, I have NO money. I mean HYSTERICAL!!!!
I was 86 dollars overdrawn when she pulled this and the very next day, I got my STAR rebate check for exactly 386 dollars. I had stopped thinking that check was comming! I had forgotten about it! There is 300 bucks to buy groceries and maybe buy the 2 kids a birthday present!!!!!
Taken care of in ways I never imagined.
I am about to be 36 and I have grown in ways I didn't even realize I needed to grow!
Thanks for these posts, ladies. Yep, it is all about faith and truly living one day at a time. I get that now. I am still living in limbo. When I even begin to think of what "could be" I go into a tailspin. Honestly, I have a hard time believing I will ever get officially divorced, but I am seeing the gifts that time has allowed me.
I am starting to keep a list of the evidence that God is looking out for me in the form of what can be deemed "coincidences". Pretty cool.
Blesssings, Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
This is a very good share for me today, Jean. I have recently gone through a very similar situation to what Serendipity shared and reacted very similar as well. I try to remind myself that "this too shall pass" and "do the next right thing", and I will try to add "I have all I need for now" to my mental reminders.
I haven't been on MIP much lately, and just popped in to read a bit. I feel like I've had a mini meeting. I think I needed that today. HP provides just what is needed, right?
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Wow how awesome. I am so glad Jean did this share. I was in that thought pattern this morning. I had to take my son to school, for wrestling, at 6:30 this morning. It was freezing cold outside and I really didn't feel like driving in the a freezing car. But I did it. On my way back home I was listening to the radio and a song was on saying something like, God bless the broken road that led me right to you, in your loving arms. Something like that. But I suddenly felt this warmth around me, like I was getting a hug. I just felt very calm and relaxed and secure. I don't know where it came from, well yes I do, it came from my HP. I needed that little/huge booste. I have been struggling lately with how to communicate with my AH and feeling quite anxious. But just to have that moment of relaxation and feel that strength flow through me was wonderful. I felt rejuvinated and better able to come back into my home and deal with my anxious feelings. I had a short conversation with my AH and shared with him why I have been so "aggrivated". He listened and didn't really say anything, but that didn't matter to me. I just needed to get it out to him. He can do with it what he wants. Thanks so much for your share ladies. I really needed that!!
I love this thread and I too need to embrace the idea that I have everything I need right here, right now.
I have felt prodded to keep trying to communicate with AH and begrudgingly when I do, some words to share come out and I feel like I have so much help from HP to communicate.
I have learned that just being heard is all I need to feel like it was a rewarding conversation. It is a relief to let go of being drawn into a blame game or trying to change others or win some debate. We are and can be different which sure keeps this interesting world going round and round.
Hugs to all, ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
