Hi wildthang,

Not sure if this will help, but I feel I am on the opposite side of your situation. My AH just crashed his work truck into a telephone pole last week. He was convinced he could control the A, and all that, but I knew better. A couple months ago, we looked at the car wreckage of someone we knew that died by a DD last year. It was on display to show the destruction of DD, he looked at it and walked away. I cried. He knew what he was doing, but it didn't matter. I prayed that he would be woke up to what he was doing and get real help. All I can say is, he is lucky he only hit a telephone pole and it is only costing us money to fix a truck and may cost us 10,000 to fix the pole, but we know it could have been much worse. He is getting treatment now, he is ready--now it is his choice.

All you can do is decide what you are willing to live with. What is acceptable to you and what is not? What will you do if he does X, what are you willing to follow through with? You don't have to do anything that you are not comfortable with, but learn to trust yourself and hold promises to yourself again. Someone explained it to me this way...we are like frogs in a pot of water on the stove, the heat keeps rising and we stay put and tolerate more. A frog will not jump out if the heat is slowly turned to a boil, but it will jump if it were dumped into a boiling pot. What happens to us is we start tolerating more and more bad A behavior, until we can't recognize ourself anymore. I don't know how many times when single I told my sister "I would never tolerate my husband speaking to me the way yours does." Guess what? I did tolerate it, last year I finally stopped "accepting" it and left him for a week, he quit drinking for 6 months, then started again, but at work so I wouldn't catch on. I started noticing he was coming home possibly drunk, I told him he needed to get more counseling. My point is we are not perfect, but I was comfortable with my boundary of not being around him when drinking and not yelling, and counseling twice per month. At least I wasn't turning a blind eye to it. And he and his friends and family knew I was not O.K with him drinking. If he didn't go into treatment daily after this latest crash, I would have been comfortable kicking him out of the house until he got help. My stance is I will not leave him as long as he is getting help, and our kids and I will not be around him if he is drinking. That is my comfort level. You have to figure out what you are comfortable with. Good Luck, my prayers are with you.