Emptiness - Al-Anon Family Group

christinajeanne · Senior Member

I have felt like I had an empty
space or a void in my life for years. I could never place where it came
from and still can't to tell you the truth. I tried to fill it up with
all sorts of things. Pleasing people and getting approval I thought if
others where happy then I could be too but it only exhausted me and
they where never really happy for my help. It ended up making me feel
lonely and resentful. I tried to fill it up with people. My A who I
love but have learned I can't have expectations that he will do what he says he will and that his promises can be broken. With others who I

trusted with my secrets and thought they where my real friends but
found out that they were not. With drinking I'm not an A but used that
as a void filler for a little while before I realized it was heading
down a bad road of me possibly becoming an A. So I now choose to not
use that as a void filler at all which for me it is. I tried to fill
myself up with all sorts of self help books which never really helped
me in the long run. Maybe for a day or a week a month but happiness
never lasted. Now I know that the only thing that can fill the
emptiness and fill the void is my HP and time. I'm in the healing
process and it won't happen overnight what it took years to create. But
with my HP and time I can be whole again. I was going to go to a
meeting last night but was not feeling well at all my hypoglycemia was
acting up and I felt really sick and I also have a really bad cold so I
came home and went to sleep. Today I was supposed to work but am glad
that my boss called this morning and gave me the day off after all so I
can get more rest and get better for the rest of the week and for next
week as well.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi CJ, thanks for your post and I have one of those bottomless holes, too. I think most of us do! I know for me, it was not getting any of my needs met when I was very very young and in my childhood because the biggest baby on the block and the one with needs far greater than those of a tiny infant was (one of) the A in my life, my mom. So I ended up caring for her, very early on and many of us have this same story with one parent or another or both or some very close adult in out lives. I think that this makes the hole. And yep, the only filler out there is HP. I tried a lot of other fillers, too but they all came up short. Nothing could fill that hole. Not a thing. Just fell all the way through and fell out the bottom, i guess. Hugs, J.

-- Edited by Jean4444 at 18:22, 2008-11-19

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.