Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> questioning ex AH's motive...
Post Info TOPIC: questioning ex AH's motive...
artygirl


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 180
Date:
questioning ex AH's motive...
Permalink  

Hello MIP family
I haven't posted here in a very long time. I was just thinking maybe someone here might have some experience with this situation.

This morning, my A ex-husband called my sister out of the blue. We haven't seen or heard from him in nearly 2 years. He had found an instruction book for our snow thrower (which I don't even have anymore) and had some other book he wanted to give to my sister... supposedly. On the phone he mentioned something about being in therapy. My sister, completely caught off guard, agreed to let him stop by. He came over a while later and didn't even bring the book he said he had for my sister.

He and my sister made some small talk... he asked about me, my mom, our dogs... etc. She asked him directly if he was in a program and he changed the subject. Obviously he's not really in therapy or a program of any kind. He claims that he's not doing drugs and he's trying to cut down on alcohol. It's hard to know the truth since he's been known to lie every time he opens his mouth.

We're all left wondering what his motive was for the visit. Is he trying to get in our good graces? His alcoholism and the resulting hurt and deceit really hurt and angered me and my whole family (we're a very tight little family). Is he attempting to get to me through my sister? Is he thinking we're all going to be friends again someday?

I'm not willing to let him into my life again in any way. I don't want him around me or my family. I am in a new relationship and I'm happier than I've ever been.

I'm just left wondering why?!

confused

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2962
Date:
Permalink  

The "whys" can eat us up.....  If I had to venture a guess, it would be that he was hoping to find out if  

"He claims that he's not doing drugs and he's trying to cut down on alcohol"

was good enough to get you back.

The best question we can ask ourselves, when we are worrying about those "why" questions, is:  

"if we knew the answer to our question, would it REALLY change anything??"

Take care of you

Tom

__________________

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Rita G


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1491
Date:
Permalink  

My thoughts are always trust that inner recovery voice - the guidance that your HP uses to let you know what is true or false.

Alcoholism - cunning, baffling & powerful - A's are going to do what A's are going to do

For me the most important question is, what am I going to do and if I am going to let their actions affect me

Wishing you Serenity, Joy & Love,
Rita


__________________

No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK - teamwork.gif
artygirl


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 180
Date:
Permalink  

Good point. I guess there's no sense in me worrying about it. It's really not worth my time or energy. I'm super happy now and that's all that should matter to me!

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  



Aloha Artygirl!!

Might be as simple as reaching out.  It's easiest to reach out to the familiar
rather than the unknown heh?  He'd get better help and support reaching
out to a sponsor...one recovering drunk helping another.

(((((hugs))))) smile

__________________
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Permalink  

Have you read Getting them Sober?  Alcoholics tend to stick around and be sticky!

Maresie

__________________
maresie
artygirl


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 180
Date:
Permalink  

oh yea, I read "Getting Them Sober" a couple years ago. I think he likes to jump in and stir things up every now and then. If he tries calling me I wont answer (...thank you caller ID!!!)


__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> questioning ex AH's motive...