The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am wore out just thinking of what is going to happen next. Today I found out that my A took a couple of checks from our Retirement account and cashed them. Six months ago we went to our Lawyers and he signed over a power of attorney to me on all accounts but he signs my name of checks and all is good. I have never had any cause to question anything this man does until now. He was always honest and I beleived him always with every decision he made. He now is a lier and a thief. I see a man who was always respected thruout the community crumbling before my eyes. He needs help and I can't help him, I am only try to protect our money that he has worked so hard thru his life. I am reading about Detachment and I know the principle but when do you stop hurting for yourself and your A.
I feel that same about my AHsober who left 3 years ago. He was respected in the community. People are very surprised when I say NO he doesn't come visit on the weekend. He has always been financial responsible. However, now he is an idiot about money. He use to be so cheap. Now, he sees it, he wants it, he buys it. He wanted me to sign the papers to withdraw money from our 401K. I said no way. There would be a big penalty (he's an accountant). It just has to be the disease of alcoholism. I am making sure that I can support myself because it looks like I can not count on him anymore.
weg, when do we stop hurting? What an incredible question. I do not have an answer except to say that for me, the hurting stopped a little when I let it all go to HP. The pain is so intense and so horrible that certainly only a supernatural force much much greater than myself could manage such pain, loss, grief and agony. Only HP could begin to cleanse this incredible wound. It is only then that the healing can begin to begin.
I still hurt and I am pretty sure I was born hurting because I was born into the disease of alcoholism. Love, gods limitless unconditional love is what stops the hurt. Hugs, J.
My X A quit his job with 6 months left before he could get a whole pension. His ability to make financial decission was lost completely. His decissions changed my future, and the future of my kids. He also lost all of his and our medical insurance. We work so hard our whole lives to have a safe secure future, and in a split second, it can change. Take care of yourself. With the help of your HP and those that care for you, you will do what is right.
It's okay by the way to get the power of attorney changed because problems arise. The hard part is the getting up the courage part without getting up the anger and defensiveness.
It stopped hurting for me when I understood that God could do better for us than I could for myself and that letting go of the problems caused by my death grip on alcoholism and the alcoholic with faith that "it" all would be okay in spite of my fears and I could accept it. It stopped hurting when I came to understand the three c's and that there is a difference between fantasy and reality and I could change my reality. The hurt went away when I refused to take the disease and all of the pain personally and feel compassion for everyone who has ever suffered by the disease and myself. When I was able to do the short form of the 12 steps on a regular basis; "Trust God" 1-3 "Clean House" 4-11 "Help Others" 12 it all went away.
Keep coming back and working the program. (((((hugs)))))
