Well, yesterday and today were the days of the funeral of step-mother A. I arrived back from London and called to the house at 3. They still had not dressed for funeral, father A had told them it was ok to go in jeans and casual wear, I calmly told them that it was not appropriate dress and they were shocked, I also managed to get my father to dress, then went home, but wait just before that we went to the funeral parlour to say goodbye privately and on the way home later, my son mentioned that her nail varnished was chipped. I telephoned and said if they could find the colour we could touch it up, she had beautiful hands and she was very fond of looking after them. Daughter said there was no chip, we let it go though it made us sad. We went through the funeral a lot of lovely neighbours and friends and colleagues came, some brought cards. Of course we went back to the pub after this event and my father was sad but to be frank obstreperous enough, I managed him alright but he said horrible things to my brother, half-sister and sister in law. He mentioned several times that he wished us all to go to dinner after the funeral the next day. Roll on next day.
My father, aunt, half sisters all left before the burial was finished. I ended up thanking the gravediggers, and they had gone to town without us, my son while waiting for his bus saw them in the restaurant and politely took his leave. I was disappointed for him and my other son, I know he must have felt excluded but I no longer have expectations of alcoholics or those in denial. A party of us went elsewhere, had a marvellous dinner and visited a sick friend in hospital. I came home and slept for a few hours and feel fine now. I entertained the vicious thought of sending a vile text but am over it, and am smiling that I was so annoyed as to do this. I gathered all the cards and will write a thank you note if no one claims within a couple of weeks as they were from my friends, colleagues and neighbours. I wish my father, his family well but am not going into a caretaking role with my father, I am powerless over his disease and was powerless with stepmother too. I had a lovely visit with my brother and sister in law, they stayed with me and ex-A cooked a fab breakfast, it was great to reconnect with my brother and sister in law as I had a minor falling out with sister in law last year over A-Brother, she was in denial, we fixed it up and as I have always been fond of her, I feel good about this.
I would also like to say, I am truly grateful that Barbara got a quick death at the end, and that I helped in a non-fixing way with the funeral.