The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in a spin. I separated from my alcoholic husband 3 years ago and we have 3 children together. Because of the children we see him regularly and there have been very little problems. But over the past two weeks, he seems to have lost the plot.
He came to me asking for money because he was broke, I refused, he yelled at me and broke a window and left, he came back later and threatened me.
Now he seems to have turned his anger on my eldest daughter and her BF. He has been to their home the last 2 nights, drunk, angry and wanting to fight the BF, the first night he pushed my daughter and was told to leave by the BF, he left arguing. Last night he knocked at their door, punched the BF in the head, the fight continued outside the door, alerting the neighbors and they rang the police. He left before the police arrived but they spoke to both my daughter and BF and then went and spoke to her Dad. Charges may be pending but I think that depends on the BF. We are all very shaken by his sudden change of behavior and dont understand why.
I'm sorry to hear your life is in an upheaval at this time.
The hardest thing I've ever had to do was call the police on a family member for unacceptable behavior and when our lives were at risk. Violence on any level is not acceptable.
The police are involved which means it's on report, sadly this may save your lives. We do learn through our readings and program their disease continues to escalate. Stay safe, if this means staying with family or friends for the time being, don't be too proud to do so.
I pray your daughter her bf and you are attending meetings to learn how others survive and stay safe, also to get your hands on as much information as you can about the disease.
Those first few attacks can be considered warnings the disease has taken over. Tell others, notify neighbors and friends don't be afraid to have others look in on you and her. Make a call if either of you sees or hears from him, your lives could be in danger.
Keep posting, keep taking good care of yourselves. The trauma you've all suffered can be addressed in Alanon meetings too, you are all worth so much more.
He seems to becoming desperate. That is a very scary thing for your whole family. My X A had also tried some or what your X is doing (but not as violent). First he tried to get me to give him money, then he went to both of our children. (This is the man who quite his job 6 months before being able to retire with a whole pension because it would stop my abilty to get any help from him financially). 29 1/2 years of work for nothing. My children found it very hard not to "help" their dad, but soon realized that any help they gave him just fed into his "plan" to have more money to drink with. I had always tried to protect my kids from him. Now they are adults and I can't do that anymore. They are getting educated on how to deal with him. They have to make their own decissions on what to do, and what not to do. PLEASE take Peggy's advice about staying safe. You might feel it is over reacting, but it is not. He is looking to control the situation, and when a man as out of control as he is, is in control......... look out. He could also be thinking if he could split up your daughter and her boyfriend, he might have a foot in the door there. Educate yourself as much as you can. PLEASE know that there are so many of us on the journey to recovery. We are there for each other, to help each other get to where we need to be.
