The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can I love myself enough to stand side by side and face to face with HP 24/7? Can I stand that much goodness and attention and unconditional love and acceptance? I have been thinking lately about how I choose people in my life who are either unavailable or unsafe. Usually unavailable. And how I often used to feel that HP was unavailable as well. This pattern of absence, of abandonment and that feeling of having an empty "hole" in my life at all times has been a great barrier for me and one I would very much like to resolve.
I have been finding myself saying: I deserve the time and attention of people. I have been talking with a friend of mine about needy kids and how we were needy kids at one time. How recently I spent time with some teens at a drop-in center and they openly talked about being hungry and without food. I felt: hey, it would be simple for me to go out and get 'em a meal or buy them a bag of groceries. But I can see and I know that what matters WAAAY more is sitting there and listening to them talking about being hungry. To really look them in the eye and listen and be 100% present to their experience, their pain, their story and their situation. To not disappear and run and get them a bag of groceries (which would make ME feel a heck of a lot better).
I deserve time and attention. I am worth spending time with. I am so worth hanging out with. I am so worth investing time and energy into. I don't need to be fixed, I need to be focussed on and listened to and acknowledged. I need to be looked in the eye. HP thank you for your endless time and attention and presence in my life 24/7. I am worthy in your eyes and heart. Hugs, J.
Thank you for sharing this. This is what I needed to hear and understand that other people are feeling what I am feeling. We are somebody and do deserve love and attention from healthy people.
"I deserve time and attention. I am worth spending time with. I am so worth hanging out with. I am so worth investing time and energy into. I don't need to be fixed, I need to be focussed on and listened to and acknowledged. I need to be looked in the eye. HP thank you for your endless time and attention and presence in my life 24/7. I am worthy in your eyes and heart."
Thank you for saying that!
How many years did I NOT believe that.How many years....almost all my life....did I believe that everyone else was worth it but not me.Their problems were more important than mine.I was supposed to just give and put myself last.Now it feels like such wasted time.How I wish I had stayed with Alanon those many years ago and got strong and really listened.Started believing in myself. My Higher Power is God,Creator of the universe.Creator of me.Whose love and acceptance of me is amazing.Yes I am worth caring about.Yes I am worth time.Yes I am worth listening to.I am fine just as I am with all my flaws.HE knows all my faults,all my secrets,all my mistakes,and loves me anyway.He doesn't have to but He does.I don't have to earn it.I just have to be me.I'm enough. I have a right to own my power.To make decisions for my life even if other people disagree;even if they get mad or stop talking to me.It IS my life.I will face the consequences of my decisons,not them. For the rest of my life I want to be awake.Alive.Present.Knowing what I really feel,what I really want and what I really need and persuing that. Peace.Stability.Fun.Love.Accepting people as they are,but not tolerating abuse. I am not worried about being alone.If the choice is alone or with drama,anger,abuse,and misery,give me alone any day.Better alone than having the life sucked out of you by abusive or self absorbed people who really only keep you around for THEIR own needs. It is sad that so many people miss this.They stay stuck in their misery.I used to think everyone was miserable,there were no good marriages or happy families.I don't believe that any more.There is life out there.Good life.I can have it.It's my choice. ........"as God is my witness,I willl never be hungry again!"....Scarlett O'Hara
