Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> When did I become needy??????UGHHHH
Post Info TOPIC: When did I become needy??????UGHHHH
shellyj123


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 654
Date:
When did I become needy??????UGHHHH
Permalink  

    I have ALWAYS been superindependant, super in control and in need of no one-I kept it that way after my divorce from active A.  Now with new ABF I find myself "needing" him and what he has to offer through his serenity and I HATE it.  I don't know how to deal with it and it is driving a wedge between us so big that I am not sure we can pull through it this time.  He says that everytime we argue/disagree that it knocks the wind out of him more and more and that he is having a hard time bouncing back and being able to sort out his thoughts.  That he loves me with all his heart BUT (ya gotta love that) he is not sure that the best he has to offer me is enough and it scares him.  Well is it just me?  But when someone tells you they love you with all their heart BUT-that automatically sends me into defense mode and flight mode..... I love you BUT I'm leaving.  I love you BUT you make me crazy.  I love you BUT you are a nut job-lol.......And all this started because I wanted him and asked him to stay an extra night (Monday night) and he said he couldn't............Am I nuts???  When did I become soooo needy that I even thought I needed his support to get me through, what was a trying time to me?????  Where did my wall go??????  
Thanks for letting me share

__________________

Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
Jean4444


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1917
Date:
Permalink  

wow an awesome amount of wisdom here in this string, thank you all for writing what you have. Its really helpful to me. J.

__________________
maire rua


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 791
Date:
Permalink  

Yes me too

__________________
Maire rua
shellyj123


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 654
Date:
Permalink  

         Thank you so much tlc.......it's like you've been there and actually can see how I feel.  He is well versed but his actions and his words are not on the same page and that is upseting me.  And when I mention it somehow I am made to feel wrong.  Somehow lately I have always been feeling like I am in the wrong and I know I can't always be.....I am trying hard to work my own program and K.I.S.S. but the past few days have been rough......
thanks for your insight......

__________________

Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
shellyj123


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 654
Date:
Permalink  

          thank you all for the responses......it is so good to be able to come here and "unload" and not be made feel like it is all my fault.......think I'll check out the books too......

thank you all

__________________

Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
ddub


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 577
Date:
Permalink  

tt - this made sooooo much sense to me - thanks

"I had a drama filled week of things I created in my own mind.  Do I think he was insensitive?  Yes. Do I think he is setting out intentionally to hurt me? No. This is how he processes things perhaps.  But I have a choice. I don't have to participate in his stuff." 

tlcate - before al anon I had been to plenty of therapy and I could talk the talk but not so good at walking the walk.  this has humbled me and taken me back to checking my side of the street honestly.  Thank goodness I found al anon to recognize I am part of the mess too.

and shelly, even with my know it all, helpful controlling nonsense his defense made me feel wrong about everything too.  It seems to become all about blame and guilt and not losing the debate and nothing to do with the issue at hand.  Crazy, you bet.

hugs, ddub

__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny."  Pythagoras         You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
christinajeanne


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 155
Date:
Permalink  

I can relate. I get really needy with my A fiance. Hang in there and try to focus on yourself since that's what Alanon is all about. Taking care of you.

Christina

__________________
kitty


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2098
Date:
Permalink  

"Now with new ABF I find myself "needing" him and what he has to offer through his serenity... " -shelly  

I like this sentence, so I cut it off!  Having someone around, intimately that has a great program, is wonderful support. It sounds like you want some serentiy too, focus and work on that, you are worth it and so is the program.  Give yourself time, space, be gentle with yourself and stop kicking & beating yourself up.



__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> When did I become needy??????UGHHHH