The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I guess sometimes like today was really frustrating for me. I worked for my aunt and she had an attitude with me all day again today. I have been good about not letting it bother me but had a slip today. I got frustrated and then I got an attitude. I realized it said the serenity prayer and calmed down. Then I was going to go to a f2f meeting tonight but ended up not going. I just got really anxious and decided not to go and as usual made a bunch of excuses. I feel really guilty about that. Sometimes I don't feel very much hope for my future. I know that I'm young and have a lot of life left to live but I worry about getting stuck in the same place the rest of my life. Working with my aunt not getting my GED and going to college. Making minimum wage and barely being able to stay afloat in this economy. The only thing i do have hope for right now is when my fiance comes home in one year. I hate having all these fears that hold me back from having joy. I know joy and happiness are a choice and I try to make that choice to be happy. But, it's hard when I'm afraid and I can't do things and sometimes won't do things that I know will make me happy. But, today my slogan is "one day at a time."
Aloha CJ!! Gosh welcome to the human race! That was one of the most humble truthful post I have read and I like it because you are so inciteful. What you have great vision on is hindsight. You know the consequences of not changing and I, at my age (older than some oak trees but not dirt) LOL...can tell you that you are right on. Fear mostly held me back. Apathy is like having my whole spirit chained to the ground while I hold the key in my hand. I won't paint a negative picture for you cause youngster you already know the picture. Don't wait for the shining knight on horse back to come home. The most important person to rescue you is you hand in hand with your Higher Power. The opposite of fear (for me) is faith and the absense of fear is love (again for me). Nurture the faith that you and your dreams are worthy and right and love your self enough to go to your rescue. Read the literature (program) on courage, faith, fear, recovery and the like and don't worry or feel ashamed or guilty about missing a meeting. Since you didn't go the program has still grown larger and there might even be a meeting on the campus of the college you are going to go to. Awesome!! You will never be alone in this program.
Every body has an attitude. Not everyone has the attitude they want.
Just wanted to note all the growth and progress included in your post. Step by step, baby steps, giant steps, back steps, two steps forward and best of all working on the 12 steps have helped me to continue to get to know what I want, who I am, and give us great tools to use.
Reread your post for all the points of progress, wonderful!
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Thanks for the responses. I have made a decision I am not going to let fear hold me back anymore. I really want to change and I really want a better life and only me and my HP can do that.
