The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes I feel like my progress is fake because though I did push him away intially I think he knows if he tried to come back now that I might jump- at least I MIGHT jump- for a while. So I wonder if you could count it as progress when they are choosing not to be with you and you are not sure if you would be with them if given the opportunity. You know what I mean- can I count my distance and trying to detach as progress when he is the one REALLY moving away?
I see progress as "moving forward". If you are taking this time to learn about yourself, learn where your limits are, learn the difference between your wants and your needs and learning what you can control and what you can't , then you are doing great and progressing. Are you going to make mistakes? YOU BET. This is not a journey without bumps in the road. I hope he doesn't try to come back before you have learned some of the lessons you need to learn, but that may not be under your control. Lesson ONE. You can only control you and your behavior. You can not control him or what he does. Is it impossible to have a relationship with an A? No, people do it all the time. The question is can YOU have a true relationship with your A? Do you really want to, or do you just need to because it is all you know?
There are lots of questions to ask, and only you can answer them. There are so many understanding and wise people here, and at face to face meetings to help you in your self idscovery.
Good luck in your journey, and dont forget to look to your HP for guidance.
I understand what your saying. I feel like I'm talking the talk, but not so sure I'm walking the walk. I am getting better at setting boundaries and trying to be more honest about my feelings, but I've such a long way to go. Your honesty is refreshing, it's ok to wonder what you'd do if needed, its good to explore your feelings. When the time comes you'll do whats right for you at that time. Keep the focus on you.
