The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I moved into my apartment in July, leaving behind the wreckage of an 11+ year relationship with my AH. OMG. You wouldn't believe all the stuff I moved with me. My life had become so unmanageable. I have all sorts of papers, boxes and boxes of old magazines, bills (both paid and unpaid), knick-knacks, notes to and from each other. Pictures. Junk. Odds and ends. It seems like I will never get thru all this STUFF. All those years, I stuffed my feelings, tried to cope, shoved things in drawers, in boxes, in rubbermaid totes, grocery bags, etc. Now I am going thru a drawer, bag, box, etc. at a time, and gleaning out the necessities. All the old nasty notes are going to the trash. And there were a lot of them! I don't hate my ex AH. I actually finally feel a lot of compassion for him. But I have a new life now. I have someone who loves me and values me for who I am. So I am throwing away my old life. Piece by piece. Bit by bit. To make room in my life for all the new blessings HP has so kindly bestowed on me. I always felt so undeserving of good things, so I hoarded all kinds of junk. But I am worthy, I am deserving of good things, nice new things. Broken things are going out with the trash. Broken marriage, broken coffee cups, anything broken is going out. My new life is shiny and new. I need to make room for more blessings. And room for my baby granddaughter's art projects when she's a little older! Every bit that goes out to the trash makes me that much happier, not so weighed down. Love in Recovery from a Recovering Packrat too, Becky1
Thank you for posting this. It gives me a chance to hurray myself too. I understand so well, in the year and 1/2 since I emptied the house. Boxes and boxes of books I can't read anymore, old mementos, note, pictures, broken junk has left, been given away, thrown out. When I look around now I see all the things I love and show how I want to live. It's so different. Even when shopping for food, clothes, house stuff ... I am selective, quality not quanity. It's almost like there used to be a hole to fill, now there is a life to enhance! Hurray for you, I know it is hard work, you can do it!
Thanks guys. tlcate, is there any way you can rearrange stuff, repaint, re-do a little at a time? When I once had to stay in an apartment where a lot of pain happened, this helped me heal a lot. Just moving things around and making them look and "feel" different. Buy some cheap paint and just do one wall if you can. It will shake things up and make it not seem so much the same. Or stencil a wall. That is fun, easy, and rewarding. You can MAKE it YOUR sanctuary again. Go into each room, say a little prayer, burn some incense, chant, sing, rejoice with your daughter that you are still alive and still have each other. Chase away the demons with your laughter! I've done it!
Take back your house. I have an odd notion that places and belongings absorb some of what surrounds them. It may have been filled with pain, it doesn't have to stay that way. Since living by myself, my Mom comes over for the night sometimes we put on an old movie musical or some music .... high heels and pajamas and dance around til the dog thinks we're crazy. Change wallcolors, rearrange furniture, bring home fresh flowers, open all the windows and blow the yuck out with fans, fill it with laughter as often as you can. Soon it will start to feel like a sanctuary. This stuff works for me
My life had become so unmanageable ...All those years, I stuffed my feelings, tried to cope, shoved things in drawers, in boxes, in rubbermaid totes, grocery bags, etc.
One of the many things I love about al anon is that other people's experiences are a lot like mine. Additionally, I really appreciate it when people shed new light on problems I have been facing. I really appreciate your analogy of stuffing your feelings w/shoving things in drawers. I moved out about the same time you did and have such a free feeling when I get rid of things. Tuesday, I cleaned some leaves off my deck and organized the storage closet out there. I was proud of myself that I rewarded myself with white rope lights that I can enjoy all year long. Good luck with your sorting and cleaning. I hope it brings the lightness and freedom it has brought me.
Thank you for you post.
-- Edited by curlee-girl at 22:04, 2008-11-13
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Curlee
Just for today I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts.
Have you noticed a change in the music you like? I recently got out all my cds,I was going to record some of my old favorites on cassette ( my 2006 car has cassette but no cd!!) . I was amazed that some of the music I used to listen to was all about sorrow and lost love.So depressing,I just couldn't listen to it anymore. I picked out the more uplifting songs and there were only a few. Wow, I didn't realize how much I had changed.
