The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had to make a decision to tell my AexH that as much as I wanted to stay on friendly terms, allowing him to see Sully and stay in contact with me, it has just not worked out.
Last week I had told him the condition the Doc's are believing I have ... it is not a good prognosis in many cases, including paralysis, losing the ability to breathe on one's own, extreme pain. Not all cases are to that extreme, scary but the sooner they can put a name to this the sooner I can do what options are available to me.
He called today to check in on me, wanting to know why I was not answering my phone Saturday. I was honest, I went on a date. All I heard was "I hope you die a horrible, painful death alone."
It's been 5 years since I really saw the problems and was unhappy. 4 years since we did joint counseling that turned to individual counseling. 3 years since I have been here, 3 years since I filed for divorce. 1 1/2 since it has been final. I was also accused of dating ... "just like that?" LOL thru tears
I am finally done, really done. I explained with some frustration but I hope not meanly that i can't be friends with someone who still lies to me, uses personal knowledge to hurt me, tries to manipulate me and has broken my boundaries by showing up on my doorstep drunk resulting in my having to awake in the middle of the night and tell him to go away twice.
For now I feel fairly safe, he is on a GPS bracelet program for driving violations. I will start keeping track of any contact, documenting it now in case of a need for a restraining order later. Any other suggestions?
I am sad and angry all over again, making my mind more set on this. I do not like that chaos, or blind lashing out of anger with the most hurtful words possible at the time. I no longer have any desire to be vulnerable in any way to this person.
wow your post just reminded me why I would NEVER ever contact my ex AH ever again for as long as I live. Not that I was thinking about it, believe me. But your post just reminded me of what it would be like if I did. Thank god for this program and that I am finally learning not to hate myself so much to return back to the abuse. Hugs, Jean
Update .... it's a few hours later and I revisited my past by looking back over my previous posts. I found something I needed to and want to share it with you. This was in a reply to a previous post of mine from Lunamoth, I don't think she would mind me repeating it. Maybe there are others who could use some flushing.
Luna said ...
From all that you've posted I know you are an incredibly beautiful and strong person. All of these things he is saying are weighing you down so I'm going to ask you to do what my Sponsor told me to do -- Go to your bathroom, stand at the toilet and start flushing, Every time you flush you say "That's a load of crap ... and I don't need it." It's very theraputic LOL... I'm serious, go now .... wear that handle out
Take care of yourself first. Sometimes I think that the less said to an A the better. They don't get "it" anyway. An cause for blaming you they use. So it goes better with my AHsober when Iam clear and to the point.
Oh Jennifer makes me sad you are going thru this. Your attitude is so good!! Even going out on a date!
Well my dear, if it were me, which it has been, if somene is poison to me I cut them out of my life.
Everyday is precious to me. I will not drink poison, so what would make me invite it into my heart???
To me he has crossed a major boundary by saying something so awful to you. There is NO excuse for it. You would not take that from a stranger!!!
Call the police and ask them to file a report. I mean what he just said to you. It helps if later he does more. They keep a running report.
I feel everyone should have an emergency get away from their home whether it is a family member gone violent or a break in.
I mean hidden keys, money, cloths, water, whatever. Outside I mean. What ever you know you would need in an emergency. also your different ways out of the house.
Have caller id, do not answer his calls, do not listen to his messages. suggestion here. to me he has crossed the line. Knowing how scared you must be and you don't feel well, rrrrrrrrrr
You know I care about you!
You can come hide with the monster dog, here anytime!
Jennifer, first I want to wish you luck in dealing with your medical condition. I know how devasting a diagnosis like that can be. I live with it every day of my life. But you have to push through it and ALWAYS try to think positive and I know that is difficult to do. I also believe that it helped me, A LOT!! I am so sorry that you made the attempt to work with your exAH and he just threw that back in your face. They tend to like to string us along and just when we let our guard down for a sec, they pounce! It must be painful to have to deal with that nonsense on top of your condition. Keep coming back and posting, maybe even go to a meeting here online. Stay strong!
(((((Jennifer))))) First of all I am very sorry to hear about your medical problems. I am certain that you know that stress can only add to health issues and make them worse, so it is time to take care of you. I love the "flush" analogy......I think I may head upstairs later to give it a whirl. Your situation is a bad one, be careful. Having lived with a VERY physically and mentally abusive A I know how stressful and trying it can be. Please take care of yourself, start documenting, and don't let him accross any boundaries you set......not even an inch. Take care of you! Yours in recovery.........trying to K.I.S.S. Shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Thanks so much for your ESH. First things first ... set Deb's mind at ease. I do not foresee any type of violent behavior and I am being cautious. I have a getaway plan from each room in my little house, a packed bag, my best friend, a mentor and one of my favorite Aunts all within walking distance. I carry my phone in my pocket constantly, except when it is charging and always lock all the windows, the outside and inside doors, and I keep a spray bottle of ammonia in the kitchen ... it acts kind of like pepper spray and I don't have to aim it as well, an old roommate taught me that trick, bless him. LOL I sound a little bit like a weekend comando, but it is the first time I have lived alone and I feel a little vunerable not being able to see well so I took measures to feel safe.
I got new nonnarcotic medication to help with nerve pain Hurray it seems to be working! Thank you for all your well wishes, they mean alot!!
I'm doing really good, staying strong, no desire to put myself in that posistion again and have accepted the only way to insure that is no contact. It is a very freeing feeling
I'm serious, go now .... wear that handle out
