The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes I really need to get these out as they tear me up!
My life is good, roof no longer leaks, got it so the cats are in by invitation only,got to see my son sunday and get hugged! (o:
But my night,even though I was in a very soft feather bed,clean sheets and clean dogs and cats....was tormented by nightmares.
The A called in my dreams, was nice then disappeared. Horrible. Felt so sad and lonely, called his brother who came and got me and took me to his place. Was nice.
But the whole while telling him I am dieing inside becuz he and his brother are not in my life. I had them in my life forever. Then realized this was a dream and the brother was dead, for real, and my ah is insane. Then I dream of having no one to be with, no mother, gma, friends, husbands.
So of course I wake up in tears and feel sick inside and want to go to where??? there is no where, no one.(I don't go to my son unless I am very very upset)
Used to talk to my mother, then my adoptive mom, my first husband,then my now AH. now there is no one.
I will be ok. Will talk to my hp the creator, read some spiritual things.I know by tonight this awful feeling will be gone. I want to run to ah and say I am dieing, I need to know you are there!
No I won't, we know what that does,nothing.
Maybe some of you could share with me what makes you happy? I would love to read about it. What helps you to feel better from the pain that aism causes you. I cannot convey how much this would mean to me.
So I am going to get dressed, it is cold and wet in Oregon, go down and drag my horse Elgin, aka EllieBellie, up here to the barn. Then feed all the hungry mouths with upsidedown hearts on their snouters...
((((((((((debilyn)))))))))))), you've had so much thrown at you lately. My counselor is always reminding me that dreams are a message from our soul about where we are. No surprise there. What helps me is accepting and naming the feelings, acknowledging them, consciously, in my heart as well as in my head - otherwise, I find I'm stuffing it even when I don't mean to.
Aloud is best. "I feel so hopeless right now." "I feel completely abandoned." Writing it helps shift something too, sometimes.
I guess the biggest point I'm trying to make is, it's all very well to focus on the positive, but I need to be real with the bad parts too, even if I give them a time limit, because otherwise they come raging in as a storming forest fire, & leave everything - even the good stuff - charred behind them.
Hm. Interesting analogy. Hadn't thought of that one! Thanks.
I am so sorry to hear that you dealing with nightmares and the feeling they can give you when you wake up. Sometimes I have to let myself cry and cry and hope that I get those icky sad feeling out. It helps sometimes especially with the loss of my baby Shay. It's been a couple of months since she passed but I swear I can hear her walking around the house, silly I know but I really feel her with me. My avadar (sp) is a picture or her. But I really feel like letting those tears flow kind of releases those negative feeling inside, even if it's just for a little while. Hey a release is a release as far as I am concerned and we need that sometimes. Other times I watch a silly, stupid movie and just let my mind flow in and out of the plot of the movie. Just to kind of be wishywashy and not zone in on any important stuff. I hope that made some kind of sense. I just let my flow and where it goes is where it goes. Sometimes I have found myself paying attention to the background scenery in movies I have watched repeatedly and I don't know why, my mind just goes there. Usually after that I feel a little less cluttered. I don't know why, maybe it's because I am not making myself focus. I hope this helps you in some way. I really want you to feel better, because the animals will pick up on it and they need you. Sorry this is so long, just hoping I could help. Take care and good luck.
From a past sufferer of nightmares to one in the process. Be patient and be faithful to the awareness that even "This too will pass". It will. My very first step in my process was the first night laying in the darkness trying to count the little holes in the ceiling tiles and wondering if I would ever be able to sleep alone again and then finding myself asking my Higher Power "Please lay down next to me and hold me so that I can sleep." I have never laid awake because of the fear of being alone again. The nightmares continued into my 60's and that is how long it took for me in the practice of faith rather than fear to be nightmare free. They got more violent at the end as if they didn't want to let go of my subconscious and then they just gave up and left. (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal works wonders for me the nightmares and how they use to be presented were all based upon false (unreal) evidence.
I don't know perfect. I have experienced progress. Keep coming back.
I don't miss the A I was with one bit. By the time he exhausted me with alcholism I had lost all the love I had for him.
I also don't wonder how he is, where he is or whether he is still alive. I am completely numb to him. Nor do I any longer wish for any man to help me or give me companionship. Maresie
I'm sorry you are having these nightmares. Mine are so vivid, I have no idea it is not reality until I am fortunate to wake up.
What make sme happy?
Eating oatmeal with frozen fruit mixed in for dinner. Fresh sheets and blankets. Getting such a good book on CD from the library that once I start it I can't sleep until I hear the whole thing. Anything having to do with being around the monster puppy.
Yesterday I washed his blanket and steam cleaned his bed (a real single mattress ... you knopw why lol) he watched every step a little concerned. The magic happened when I brought his blanket up from downstairs, he stepped on it pulling it out of my hands and full body rolled in it across the living room. PURE JOY! I laughed and learned a good lesson ... I have comfort talismans too, and maybe sometimes I should show that pure joy maybe not by rolling around the floor wrapped in a blanket but something LOL
((((((Deb)))) I can relate to the horrible nightmares. I have them so bad sometimes I wake up sweating and shaking.....they make no sense at all usually.
You are an amazingly strong lady. Look at all you've accomplished by yourself! You just step outside, and look around Eden, and at all the sweet muddy little animal faces that look with love and adoration at you, and remember why HP put you there. Not everyone could do what you have done, you have amazing talent with the beasties.
What makes me feel better, is knowing "this too shall pass". Just because we are in a program doesn't make us perfect or insulate us from crappy feelings. You know how I was yesterday, all weepy and weird, and I hate getting like that, but just hearing from you, and a couple more online buddies, made all the difference.
Remember what you tell us....take a hot relaxing bath, read something good, eat something good (you ARE eating right, aren't you?)
Remember we are only human, and our bodies and souls have been deeply ravaged by this disease. It takes a long time to heal. It is an ongoing process....One day at a time...one breath at a time.
I am sorry you are lonely, wish I could come and visit. For now, let's each make a nice cup of hot tea, soothing on a cold, shivery night like this, and as we sip it, we can remember each other, and send happy thoughts to each other, across the miles. I Love You. Love in Recovery, Becky1
I'm so sorry you are having nightmeres. I can relate as I am as well right now. What helps me is to write in my journal before bed to get my frusturations out for the day or even if nothing happend just write that and be grateful things where not too hectic for me. I also like to do meditation/yoga, spend time with HP. It helps me to fall asleep but it is hard when I wake up having nightmeres. I usually see my cats and they help me fall asleep knowing they are watching over me.
I have them so bad sometimes I wake up sweating and shaking.....they make no sense at all usually.
