The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not usually the leader in my household. Usually it is my mom who takes care of the bills and so on. But after our financial crisis my mom is still not stepping up and taking responsibility. I am not going to lie it does upset me. But, when she was in control she didn't tell anyone what was going on until we almost lost our house. I am grateful we where able to save it just in time. Now my mom still says she needs to make a budget and we need to have a family meeting but every time I ask my mom when we can do this she makes some excuse. Like she is too tired, she doesn't have time, etc... But next month we will need to start paying the mortgage again and bills. I'm worried that because of procrastination we won't be able to pay it because we need to figure this stuff out RIGHT NOW. I am trying to become the leader and set everything up but that's hard as well because I feel like my mom is not listening to me. She is going back into her denial phase. Which is frustrating for me. My mom is an ex addict and she acts like a child she wants no responsibility for anything even though she is in her 50's. I'm 21 and I've been like the parent to her for all these years. But is about focusing on me so I'll get to the point. I talked with my counselor about it and my using the tools in alanon I realize I can't control my mom but I can control myself and what I choose to do. So I'll just have to sit down myself with the bills and make a budget myself since she dosen't want to have anything to do with it. I will have to step up and be the leader and even if no one listens to me I'll have to take responsibilty not for others but for myself.
Earlier today, I read this post & I thought I wanted to welcome you to this forum & saw how many posts you had & figured you had been here a while. I just read one of your responses on another post & discovered you are still relatively new here, so Welcome!! hehe
It is great you are so prolific, writing on this Board has been so healing & helpful I don't think I can even put into words what this place means to me, excpet that I feel I could die if I didn't have this outlet.
I highly recommend the book, 12 Steps for Adult Children as you are an ACoA like I am. When I first got the book & read about how it seems all feelings would get twisted around and end up somewhere else, was very enlightening.
I was a little younger than you when I first found Al-Anon but through criticism from family members and basic difficulties, I abandonned my program for nearly 20 years and I can tell you I know I'd be a completely different person if I had stuck with it. I can't complain b/c I do like where I am & who I am today but if I can encourage you to stick with it, you are worth it & so is this remarkable program, perhaps my example can save you some time in your life of recovery. I can't say I like to admit how hard headed I had been or that it has taken me 23 years of al-anon to get where I am (remember I had a 18 year slip in my program) but I can say how grateful I am to be here now!
You sound really good in that you are choosing to take control of the bills as your mom doesn't appear to be able to handle it well. I too had to grow up very early, a lot of the early experiences were difficult & the struggle was great but I definetley did learn a lot about life in the process. Good for you for stepping up to the plate. Seems like you are learning the 3 C's too and it is something I have to remind myself of daily, that I have no control over anyone but myself. It also helps me to remember to keep the focus on myself and to mind my own business.
Glad to have you here at MIP.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Thanks Kitty for the warm response. Yes this message board is really helping me I'm glad to be here and able to share. I know I share a lot. lol. I will have to check out that book. Thanks for recommending it to me.
