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Hi all I am having a bad moment at this time. my A of 21 years thinks that just because he is in recovery that all the problems for the past need to stay in the past. that the reaction of the other poeple in the house has nothing to to with the fact that me live in the family diesae of A. he wants to think that are 15 year old daughter will talk to him like se dose me and then when i tell he that she will not he go into ( why because i drank a beer in 1984) she needs to get over it. I am seting here typeing as he is fussing in one ear and i hope you all don't get mad but i am tring not to fight with him as it gets me nowhere.I know what i have said is the truth and i know that i can not make him see that we have a long way to go to get the others to talk to him. But it has to be on there time not mind or his. I sorry that when the childern was litter he was to drunk to care what the children did and now that they are15,18,19 he wants to tell them what to do and it is not going good. I am letting go and trying to let God thanks for leisoning and sorry for the misspeling of some words.
Don't worry about the spelling. Your thoughts and feelings come across crystal clear. My Ahsober (we are separated) has been sober for over 20 years. He is a pain to be around. He is always right, rigid, selfish, self centered and on and on. It bothers me when he gives our grown sons advice - it usual is the opposite of how he lives his life. He can't see that he is a hypocrite. It is called the dry drunk syndrome.
I feel for you , and I am so sorry your are sitting there alone having to put up with it. I am also so glad you had a place to go to vent. Isn't this a wonderful place? They tried to control us when they were drinking, now they try to contol us when they dont. It comes back to controling what we can control......US. I hope if your children learn nothing else from seeing what is going around them, it is that they are responsible for controlling themeselves. Are any of the kids going to Al-ateen? We are here for you when you need us. PLEASE keep coming back, and join us in the chat, or the on line meeting when you want, or need to. There are also Al-ateens in the room sometimes.
I wish you well, and hope you find the help you need to take control of your feelings, then your situation.
"I am seting here typeing as he is fussing in one ear and i hope you all don't get mad but i am tring not to fight with him as it gets me nowhere" -smileycat
I am not really sure why you would think ppl would get mad at you here! I too gave up fighting with my exAH, at the time, I became numb - I was not using my program at that time, in fact I had slipped far away from it and was very enmeshed.
This IS a family disease, contrary to ur AH's opinion or denial or whatver. Al-Anon is for all the rest of us and we are free to use it as we choose and as it applies specifically to us, even down to our own understanding of our HP's.
Of course kids see and feel and know things beyond thier years, they take in and absorb everything. Yes, AH will have to deal with the consequences of his actions in respect to his kids and their relationships. As teens the kids are "grown" in many respects, they certainly are individuals. Maybe your children will be interested in Alateen or in going to Al-Anon with you.
I did LOL in ur post when u sd ur AH doesn't want to hear about the past & yet brings up the beer u had in 1984 - wow does that bring back memories for me. A's do want everything on their own terms but the reality of it is, there are other people in the world and it doesn't all revolve around them.
Letting go & letting god is a great tool for getting some detachment and perspective in your life. Work your program, focus on yourself, hang in there, we're here for you and please vent away!
-- Edited by kitty at 17:39, 2008-11-06
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
((((smileycat)))) been there, done that. Still there, still doing that to some extent....LOL.
This is a great place for you - glad you're here, feel free to vent. We all do and yet we still receive the miracle of love and acceptance from the Al-anon family. It's what helps us heal - knowing that we are not alone and that there are others who have been there before us who will share their experience, strength and hope. At least, that's how it is for me.
(((Smileycat))) I'm glad you are here. I'm sorry you are having such a bad night. It's OK to vent no one is going to get mad at you. I think everyone has been there at one time or another. Good luck!!
No, Alteen in the area yet but the al-anon family in this area is trying to get one start, and yes, the 15 teen year old daughters in going to al-anon at time with me and she has a counsler that we both see on mondays right now. I will have to step out of her couslering meet some time but right now the cousler is letting me in as there is no counslers at this place of the other one-three of this diesase. All i get told is to go to mental health for counsloring and I am sorry but this is related to A.
Hi all